HANGOVER
HELL
THE
CRUELTY COME SUNDAY MORNING.
BY
JONATHAN AMABISCA
The worst thing after a good,
hard night of drinking is when you wake up the next day needing
to throw up and stuck with mud butt. Trying to choreograph
the activity so you can puke up most of what's about to run down
your pants before the dam breaks is a human extreme in itself. Those
are the worst kind of hangovers. I've never sworn I wouldn't drink
again, never gone down the road of prayer or dark arts in order
to get through the pain. Nay, instead I curse the gods: Damn
you for making my body weak to temptation and Bacardi 151. Damn
it all, indeed.
Surviving the hangover is about three things: prevention,
prevention and prevention! A survey done in 2001 by Alka-Seltzer
Morning Relief found that it takes about three drinks for a hangover
to begin insinuating itself into your system. Doesn't sound like
much, and "much" is what makes a night worthwhile. But keeping a
steady pace of one drink per hour will help to curb the tide, limiting
a hangover's power. Adding bread and water to the evening's carousing
will also dilute the alcoholic effect. May take longer to get intoxicated,
but it will absorb all the nastiness, for the most part.
 |
| SCIENCE:
HARD AT WORK ON THE HANGOVER. |
 |
For hangover extremes, scientists have — no
joke — invented a pill. The Russians, after 25 years of drunken
research, have developed RU-21. It's the hangover pill designed
to combat the growing Red Bull/Vodka trend, my personal favorite.
RU-21 is said to limit the flow of the alcohol into the organs,
thus preventing a hangover and liver damage all in one.
If you Google this wonder remedy, you'll find it
next to Zeo, the American version of the "party without the pain"
hangover pill. Maxim magazine stands by First Call, an all-natural
alcohol fighter. A dose per two to three drinks is supposed to leave
you guilt free the next morning.
But if you're like me and pill popping doesn't sound
like such a hot form for a hangover remedy, get back to the basics:
good ol' greasy food. It may not sound so tasty, but the effects
are phenomenal. Think of the nuclear breakfast: bacon, eggs, sausage,
ham, toast and some orange juice, all perfect forces to battle the
darkness of hangover. It's like this meal was solely designed to
cure early man of hangoveritis. If all else fails, even KFC's greasy
chicken can help out, and I swear by that. Taken with some Gatorade
to re-hydrate the body and the mind, the effects of a debilitating
hangover are neutralized in just a couple of hours. I mean, if you
can invest a whole night damaging vital organs and irreplaceable
brain cells, the least you can do the next day is give the body
a good breakfast. Or just don't drink so damn much, mud butt.