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A DISTURBED SLEEP I had a dream that the new McKenzie Willamette Hospital was open at the former Eugene Water and Electric Board site and I was being rushed there by ambulance down Coburg Road. The ride was fast as we approached the Ferry Street Bridge when suddenly we came to a screeching stop. I was groggy, but overheard one of the paramedics exclaim in a frustrated tone, "Geez, another traffic jam at the bridge and there's no way around." His partner shook his head and replied, "We probably should have taken the freeway through Glenwood again and come in the back way." We were so close I could clearly see the hospital's main entrance sign, but it took us another 20 minutes to finally reach the front door. By then, the pain in my throbbing big toe was intense and I was in and out of consciousness. I vaguely remember being wheeled into a room. When I awoke, I was pleasantly surprised by my surroundings. It was a nice room with several beautiful wall hangings. I had a roommate whose bed was next to a big picture window and I introduced myself and asked about the view. He excitedly replied, "I look right into the window of the changing room for the judges at the federal courthouse next door." My toe was starting to feel much better and I began to drift off to sleep when an echoing whistle pierced my ears and the room began to shake violently. The wall hangings began jiggling and the binoculars on my roommate's night stand crashed to the floor. I grabbed my bed railings and held on for dear life. "What was that?" I shouted at my roommate. "Oh, it's only the 4:45," he replied nonchalantly while flipping through a magazine. "The 4:45?" I asked with a puzzled expression. He explained, "Yes, the train. We get 'em coming by the hospital every couple hours. No worries, you can ask the nurse for special ear plugs." He added, "Insurance pays for 'em." After a bumpy, sleepless night I was released and said goodbye to my roommate who was busy setting up a camera tripod in front of his window. My wife helped me out to the car and we loaded up. After waiting in traffic to get back over the bridge, we finally made it home. My toe felt much better, but I had a funny ringing in my ears. I went out and got the mail and opened our monthly EWEB bill. I grabbed my chest and yelled to my wife, "Another rate increase — call 911 and tell them to take me to Springfield!" Ned Peabody, Eugene
HILARIOUS COLUMN Randy Kolb isn't fooling anyone with his attempted advice. In a smugly generous tone (12/30) he pretended to give liberals "tips on how to regain the White House." What followed was a comical tirade against liberals post-election behavior with very little real political advice. The result was near what a nagged spouse must feel when told, "You know, the problem with you is..." First, he advises lefties to stop "whining about the election." My guess is they would've "whined" all they way to the Supreme Court had they not seen what comes of that four years earlier. Next he chides liberal "arrogance." How about the arrogance that brought on Kolb's parental swat on the booty? Or the arrogance of a president who, during wartime, proudly claims to not read newspapers and fires or chases away any cabinet member not in lock-step agreement with him? Seems arrogance runs over the whole spectrum, doesn't it? Concerning Michael Moore and his manipulation of truth, it truly is annoying when someone quotes him as a source of fact and not humor. That said, I bet there isn't a liberal alive who wouldn't trade him in for a Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Oliver North, Gordon Liddy, Jerry Falwell, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity or Pat Robertson any day. The left hardly owns the market of loud-mouthed, fact-mauling attention hogs. The laughs keep coming. According to Kolb, lefties would be more embraceable if they made more "right-leaning" friends, gave up on the idea of national health care, and began shopping at Wal-Mart and Starbucks. In essence, Democrats would be more attractive if they'd just shut up already and behave more like Republicans. Right Randy? He closes, still condescending, with a symbolic pat on the back and the kindly thought that the left shouldn't worry, that everything "will be OK." All in the same tone you'd use just after your 3 year old skinned her knee. I sometimes complain that the Weekly isn't funny enough. Last week, though, it was hilarious. Mike Sheahan, Eugene
A WORTHY CAUSE I will be visiting India next week to help with relief efforts from the devastating effects of the Asian tsunamis and wanted to bring to attention the incredible efforts of Mata Amritanandamayi, also known as Amma, world renowned humanitarian and spiritual leader who has initiated relief efforts in Southern India, one of the areas dramatically impacted by the recent earthquake and tsunami disaster in Southeast Asia. Her organization is strictly nonprofit and runs on a volunteer basis. I feel this is a good cause to support because the monies donated go directly to the persons being affected. Her own village was affected by the deadly tsunamis in Kollam, India. Amma responded quickly by providing food, shelter and medical care to over 10,000 evacuees from the local area. Amma also has responded throughout India by providing life saving measures. In the state of Tamil Nadu, its capital Madras (Chennai), Amma's center fed 50,000 refugees who are currently without the basic necessities for survival. She also provided ambulances to help the critically ill, and has responded to several other areas drastically affected. In addition, Amma pledges to help rebuild 2,500 houses in her local area. Mata Amritananda Mission Trust (Amma's organization) is strictly nonprofit and this letter is not a solicitation for her, but a personal testimony of my belief in her vast humanitarianism. For more information or to contribute to relief efforts, please go to www.amma.orgor www.amritapuri.org Wendy Hunter, Noti
IMPEACH HIM Now that the Republican Party has moved so far toward the fascist right that it no longer fits into the democracy category, there is only one major party worthy of being allied with (the Democratic Party) and only one minor party that is right on all major issues (the Green Party), so we need to impeach Bush as a start toward democracy. It is not patriotic to support a fascist invasion of Iraq or any other country, nor is it patriotic to support a fascist occupation of any country. It is patriotic in its best sense to oppose the U.S. trend toward fascism, else the U.S. and the rest of the world will relentlessly march toward an environment so deadly and ruthless that human life will be hardly worth living. Fight the propaganda and liberate the biosphere from fascist slavery. Bob Saxton , Eugene
WOLF LOGIC According to Michael Skolnick (1/6), we shouldn't welcome the gray wolf back to its historic range in Oregon because their presence would lead to a backlash from ranchers who would make the wolves "victims of hate crimes." I think Skolnick's the same guy who told civil rights leaders that a bus boycott was a little too radical (might lead to hate crimes). He told suffragists that the right to vote would lead to a backlash against women that would undermine the cause in the long term. And he told the labor movement that a higher, minimum wage would increase the bosses' costs and cause more unemployment. I hope the wolves don't listen to him either. James Johnston, Eugene
IT'S OUR MONEY President George W. Bush and his Republican administration's first response to the massive disaster in the Pacific is the expected tightfisted conservative budgetary reaction to do things on the cheap, whether it be invading another nation, supplying our troops or responding to a massive and tragic act of nature. Protection of bottom line profits is more important in their minds than to do a job properly or feel empathy and compassion for human misfortune. After worldwide amazement to this government's first, then second, and the third estimate of humanitarian aid, they have upped the ante, so to speak, to a somewhat face-saving amount. In their initial responses, this administration forgot from where the money will really come. This nation has no bottom-line profits from which to draw. This money will again come from those of us in the working middle-class and our children and grandchildren. This bill will be charged to the credit card account of the Social Security Trust Fund surpluses. Charles L. Crawford, Sr., Philomath
DO THE MATH May I express my position on Burrito Boy? They have, since inception, had some of the best cooked, on-premise food in Eugene. I have eaten there often since they first opened on Hwy 99 at Fairfield, now occupied by Burrito Amigos, which is quite good also. The world's best burrito, in my opinion, is the chicken boy burrito. However, I prefer it with rice instead of sour cream and lettuce. It is wonderful. So what is my problem, you say? The newer location on 10th Street near Willamette is right up to par on quality (and most convenient for me). The young man who cooks there "really cooks," but the humble manager will not let me make the substitution of rice as described above. He spent a good five minutes trying to convince me not to eat at his restaurant. He actually said, "You can't go to any restaurant in town and get this kind of substitution." Like, how would you like your eggs? What kind of toast do you prefer and potatoes, are you into hash browns, home fries or French and will it be sausage, bacon, ham, kielbasa, pork chops or steak (and how would you like that cooked today?) is something found only on the French Riviera. The register lady tells me that rice costs more than sour cream. Well hello, you've not been to the same grocery I go to. Of all items in a restaurant, potatoes, soda pop, pasta and rice are the least expensive food service items purchased and the ones with the highest markup and profit. McDonald wholesale tells me that rice is $8.60 for a 25-pound bag and sour cream is $29.42 for a 20-pound bulk supply. You do the math, and please inform the manager at Burrito Boy (10th and Willamette) that I am actually doing him a favor with this simple substitution. Every other location gladly makes my chicken boy burrito, and I highly recommend it. In fact, I'm going to the Broadway location as soon as I hit send, as I have made myself quite hungry writing this piece (two green and one really hot red sauce please). Adios amigos. Jon Jenkins, Eugene
EVIL DIETY? People who consider themselves Christian conservatives tend to be very concerned with preserving family values. In many cases, however, their family values are neither humane nor Christian. Violence toward children is advocated, quoting a passage mistranslated from the Old Testament as, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." What the passage actually says in the original Aramaic is, "Spare the rood and spoil the child." A rood was a shepherd's staff used to guide sheep in the desired direction, not to hit them. I have talked with many sincere people who believe God will cause everyone who doesn't accept Jesus as their savior to be tortured forever in hell, regardless of how good and honorable their lives are. No mere human being could be so evil as to torture people forever for their beliefs. It would appear that, without realizing it, these people may be worshipping an evil deity, the one they call Satan. The only God worthy of worship is one who is kinder and more loving than you are. Paul Spencer, Eugene
MUDDY MCKENZIE Over the past few years, the government has planned more than 150 old-growth timber sales in the Pacific Northwest, on your public lands. Incredibly, some of the most irresponsible sales are planned in the McKenzie River watershed just east of Eugene. People from all over the world come here to flyfish and raft the McKenzie River, while riverside trails are frequented by hikers and mountain bikers. Yet most vitally, the McKenzie River is the source of Eugene's drinking water. When large trees are felled in the watershed, fragile root systems holding soil in place are damaged, while heavy logging machinery chews up the earth, resulting in a muddied-up McKenzie. Do we want to drink bottled water or protect our municipal water supply? If Oregonians knew what was going on behind the beauty strip, they would be appalled. Aggressive old-growth logging in a world-renowned recreational paradise and in a municipal water supply just wouldn't fly. The McKenzie River is our lifeblood. Please take a few minutes to write to the U.S. Forest Service demanding they put a halt to all old-growth logging in the McKenzie River watershed, not to mention the rest of the state of Oregon. Write to: Dallas Emch, Willamette National Forest Supervisor, P.O. Box 10607, Eugene 97440. Josh Schlossberg, Eugene
TANTRUMING In response to Mr. Ford's letter (12/9) "Where are the Democrats?", do you really have to be asking that question? Did everybody already forget that John Kerry won Oregon? It is really not in my best interest to speak on behalf of John Kerry, but if he and his beliefs were so important to Oregon, then how come everyone has forgotten about him? Maybe the next Democratic candidate will have mercy on you all. All you ungrateful Democrats, it is interesting how certain people bring out certain characteristics in others. I must say, Kerry doesn't bring out the best in you. Obviously not everyone believes the same as you do. That is why George W. Bush will remain our president for the next four years until the next Republican takes office. The Republicans didn't steal anyone's vote. You just can't handle that you're not in the majority. If you think people should rebel, that would take away even more of the freedom and peace that you think you so desperately deserve. How about instead of complaining about others, you get out there and throw your own little tantrums? Our government is a Republican government. It always has been and always will be. If you don't like it so much, move somewhere else. We don't need people like that in our beautiful, free country! You should be appreciative of what you and your family have here. Yes, you have the right to vote, but fortunately, well unfortunately for you, so do I! Heather Humes, Eugene
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