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Weddings Six
Weddings and a Union Someone now forgotten once said that love is like the sun coming out from the clouds to warm your soul. Someone else said love is a moment that lasts forever. Another poet said love is the toothpick that expels the piece of broccoli from our hearts. OK, we made that one up. But we didn't make up any of the following stories of blossoming love. Read on for how your fellow Eugeneans met the loves of their lives and just try not to keel over from the overwhelming helping of adorableness. Michael (Kay) and Jordan Klindt:
This couple has been making beautiful music since they met. Michael and his wife, Jordan, run the local Northwest Beat website and record label Shamasound Records. Michael also lays down his own music, with a new album coming out in March. The two met through a mutual friend at a house party and immediately felt a connection. "I pretty much spent the whole party staring at her," says Michael. Then the hip hop artist took the stage at the party for some freestyling. "I called her a beautiful black queen in my freestyle," he says. Although Michael was supposed to leave for Portland the morning after the party, he turned his car around, surprised Jordan at work and asked her out on a date. "I was talking about him with a friend at work and he walked in. My heart literally stopped," says Jordan. The two have twins and are still in harmony with one another. Margaret Coe and Mark Clarke:
These two are working on their 41st year of marriage, but it hardly seems like work anymore. "If you can survive the first 30 years of marriage the rest is a joy," says Margaret. The couple is now retired, spending their time with family and sharing their passion for art. Margaret was an art teacher at UO and LCC and Mark worked at the Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art. The two met in drawing and painting classes at the UO in the fall of 1962. Mark noticed Margaret first, when she was eating in class. "He describes what he saw as this little girl eating this great big sandwich," says Margaret. She noticed her future hubby when he was moving one of his large paintings through the art department hallways. According to Margaret, the two spent months "beating around the bush," not wanting to ruin a good friendship. Things sped up when they had beers and made eyes at each other at Max's Tavern when the joint was an art department hangout, and when they attended screenings of British comedies at a now-defunct theater. "Sometimes we'd be laughing when no one else was laughing," says Margaret. Over 40 years later, the fun hasn't stopped. "It's just remarkable to be in a good relationship with a wonderful family," she says. Kitty and David Piercy:
The mayor and her husband met in 1969 in Berkeley, but the times were more tumultuous than the relationship. "I remember driving across the Bay Bridge when the city was under siege by [then-California Governor] Ronald Reagan," says David. "I would have to merge with tanks and other military vehicles. I'd be at [Kitty's] place and the National Guard would be running through the backyards firing guns." Although the scenery around where their love blossomed was violent, the roots of their relationship are peaceful. Both David and Kitty were in the Peace Corps, but he was in Iran and she was in Ethiopia, so they never met. But after their stints abroad a mutual friend with Peace Corps connections invited David to a party at Kitty's place and the rest, as they say, is history. "I was immediately taken with Kitty after I met her," says David. "It's been an exciting ride these 35 years." Kiki Metzler and Peter Holden:
Sometimes first impressions aren't necessarily correct. "At first I thought he was gay, then I thought he looked like a puppet head," says a laughing Kiki Metzler of her husband, Peter Holden, before adding, "Of course I also thought he was handsome." Metzler and Holden met in 1980 at what was then the High Street Coffee Gallery and is now McMenamin's High Street Brewery. "We just talked and talked and talked all night," says Metzler. From there the couple started dating, growing together in the Eugene art community. Metzler is a muralist whose work can be seen around town and on her website, while Holden is an actor currently working on a movie called Strange Aeons. The two never officially tied the knot in a ceremony, but after 26 years together and four kids (including 20-year-old triplets) there's no doubt Metzler's first impression needed an amendment. "I thought he was a puppet head and I thought he was gay … but I knew he was (the one) right away the first time I saw him." Rebeca and Nicholas Urhausen: This story shows that persistence can pay off. Nicholas was a Vietnam vet studying at the University of the Americas in Mexico City when he met a young Mexican secretary who worked in the veterans' affairs office. One day he came to the office to pick up his check from the GI Bill. Then the next day he came to pick up his check. And the next. "After that he kept coming back to get his check every day, even though it wouldn't be there for a month," says Rebeca. The two remained friends while Nicholas continued his studies. Then, a few years later, they met up in Las Vegas while Rebeca was visiting family. A year later they were married and Rebeca was an American citizen. "He imported me, that's the reason I'm here," says Rebeca, laughing. The couple moved to Eugene in 1976 and raised their four children here while Nicholas worked for the Social Security Administration and Rebeca worked at La X, Eugene's Hispanic radio station. It's a good thing Nicholas was persistent. "Lucky him," says Rebeca. Dave and Lynn Frohnmayer:
For the UO president and his wife their marriage is academic. In fact, you could say it was a partially arranged marriage. The two met on a road trip from Medford to Palo Alto when Lynn was at Stanford and Dave was catching a plane to return to his studies at Harvard. "I thought she was cute but she was also intelligent with a bubbly personality," says Dave. The two didn't meet each other again for eight years, when a chance interaction between their parents at a restaurant near the California/Oregon border resulted in their first date. Dave's parents mentioned they had run into Lynn's parents at the restaurant and that she was working in D.C. at the time, just as he was. Dave asked his dad to get her address for him, and the elder Frohnmayer wrote a formal letter to Lynn's father saying his son would love to meet up with his daughter. Lynn's father replied that she'd love to meet Dave. "But of course Bill never talked to his daughter Lynn," says Dave. The first few minutes of the phone conversation were a bit awkward. "It was a cold call," says Dave. Thirty-five years of marriage later it seems the parents' decisions are still earning high marks. Tammy Salyer andJeremiah Sullenger:
Tammy and Jeremiah were invited by a mutual friend to kayak Lake Creek in December 2002, and both were ready for an adventure. They expected rapids, but not a rapid romance. "There was this instant-attraction thing," says Tammy. "And we were both impressed with each other's skills." When the kayaking group approached a tumultuous rapid known as The Horn, everyone in the group took the sneak route, or the easier way through. Everyone except for Jeremiah. He shot down the hero line and not only impressed his fellow kayakers, but his future wife. After that day in the water, the two asked friends for each other's numbers. Days later they were back on the water, together, shooting rapids and starting a romance.
Dancing
Days Are Here Again More people do it than you think. It costs the same as a good massage and can be just as relaxing. It helps men as well as women feel more comfortable. The soon-to-be-married couple can do it with the whole wedding party. And when you're performing in front of a crowd, it's a real confidence builder. It's dancing lessons we're talking about, and lessons are a fairly common component of today's weddings.
Linda Staver of Staver Dance Sport teaches the full range of ballroom dancing, both American and international styles, including the foxtrot, waltz, tango and all Latin styles. For more than 20 years she has opened her studio to couples who want to learn to dance for their wedding day, and says it's very common for couples to call upon her expertise. "A lot of people call either as part of the planning process or sometimes as an afterthought. They think, 'Oh, gee it would be nice if we could dance at our wedding — we better learn how!'" Staver said. In her experience, couples frequently call a month before their wedding if they want to practice some basic steps to go with their song. Others start months in advance. Danielle and Jose Guerrero took dancing lessons from Staver for their February 2005 wedding and started six months before their wedding, spacing lessons a comfortable two weeks apart. "We really planned it out in advance and what was great about that was that for the first four or five lessons she just taught us the basics and we had two weeks to practice," said Danielle. "The steps became pretty ingrained." Staver has a wide variety of songs to pick from and can help couples identify the type of dance to go with that song. "Is it a foxtrot, is it a waltz, is it a samba? Some people are surprised and they don't realize they're picking a samba and maybe samba isn't the type of dance they want to do," she said. Everyone in the whole wedding party can participate in lessons along with the couple if they want to make a group effort out of it. "It's a nice, fun, sharing time for people to get together and prepare for this wonderful celebration," she said. Though they live in Eugene the Guerreros got married in Carmel, Calif., to be near both of their families. "We decided we wanted to take lessons for our first dance. We didn't want to be just standing there!," she said. "We wanted it to be entertaining for our guests and we wanted to have fun with it." They learned the basic steps for a "nightclub two-step" and then choreographed that into their dance to "Islands In The Stream" by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rodgers. For traditional weddings with a dance reception following the ceremony, the bride and groom typically dance the first dance together, in the spotlight. That first dance can be one of the most uncomfortable aspects of the wedding day. With all eyes looking to the dance floor, the last thing you want to do is trip over the hem of your gown, step on the bride's toes, or just stand their like a dummy swaying back and forth, too embarrassed to pick up your feet. Taking lessons can alleviate much of this discomfort. Danielle wanted to be able to dance with her father and be comfortable, so her father actually came to Eugene for a weekend of "crash course" dancing lessons with Staver. "She taught us a couple basic steps, and it made it so my dad and I could really enjoy each other's company during the dance and not be worried about how we were looking," Danielle said. "It made it turn out to be this very sweet dance because my dad and I were conversing during the dance and we weren't having to count our steps or anything like that." For wedding planner Marlene Hackema of Weddings Extraordinaire, dancing lessons rarely come up in the planning process unless both couples are dedicated to the idea. "It seems like something they really both want to do because they really enjoy dancing or else they don't want to do it at all and they skip it altogether," said Hackema. If one half of the couple is into dancing and the other isn't, taking lessons can actually help. Usually it's the guy who's unenthusiastic about performing in the spotlight, and he agrees to it only because the bride wants to. But after talking with a professional, Staver says, the men usually relax into it. "A lot of times the guys will actually feel more secure or more confident having a choreography because then they learn what to do instead of having to think on the spot," she said. "Once the groom-to-be finds out that there's actually structure involved in learning lead-and-follow skills and that he actually does get to lead, they usually like it and enjoy it. He can steer the bride around the floor. They like it, and the brides even like it more!" Even if your wedding is coming up and you don't have much time, a lesson or two can help ease the way from "Here Comes the Bride" to "Islands In The Stream." In fact, it might turn out to be the least stressful part of your planning. "[Dancing lessons] was one of our favorite parts, looking back on planning this wedding," Danielle said. "Because it was a meaningful experience for us to share together and it was fun! It was truly one of the best parts of the whole process." Where to go and who to call The Tango Center, 194 W. Broadway, 349-8682, offers weekly social dances and lessons. The Eugene Swing Dance Club frequently holds dances at UO's Agate Hall and Gerlinger Hall, with free lessons the hour before the dances. Phone them at 68-SWING or E-mail at ballroom@uoregon.edu. Linda Staver at Staver Dance Sport can be reached at 746-6268. Weddings Extraordinaire's Marlene Hackema can be reached at 736-5040.
Rules
of Engagement We were there on display: the soon-to-be-married. My fiancée and I sat huddled together at the table while her brother bought us shots and her parents presented an assembly line of neighborhood well-wishers. We were in a restaurant owned by a family friend in the small town in Michigan where she had grown up. At the next table, the neighborhood chatted loudly. Most of them knew my future wife not as "Jen" or "Jennifer," but as "Jenny." Having watched her grow up, their interest in her engagement had a paternal quality. I wanted to make a good impression, but I was in no mood to perform. I had been in Michigan for a week already and the stress of being accepted into the family was beginning to take its toll. The neighborhood ladies, who all spoke with perfect Fargo accents, were displaying their plumage in the form of colorful Christmas sweaters. Evidently, the higher the assortment of colors and/or embroidered cats, the higher the prestige. But these were wholly authentic, un-sarcastic people, the kind I thought only existed in black and white. In their presence, I felt my east-coast cynicism glaring like the blood on Lady Macbeth's hands. I had to think I was just being paranoid. Roger, the restaurant owner's son, was regaling our table with colorful stories of the days when he and Jen's brother played hockey together. His girlfriend sat quietly beside him, looking unsteady in her chair. She held an empty wineglass with both hands, anchoring herself to one spot. She had been squinting suspiciously across the table at Jen and me for some time. Suddenly, interrupting Roger, she decided it was her turn to speak. We all listened. She had plenty of loud things to say about common law marriage, and how she and Roger were practically engaged anyway. She joked about getting a ring on her finger and her hands on Roger's credit cards. Roger didn't laugh. She told us we shouldn't wait to have kids. She asked me how old I thought she looked. Trying to be generous, I said 29. This upset her. Roger patted her back and smiled nervously. "Now, now," he said, "don't steal the spotlight, this is about them," and nodded in our direction. Someone signaled for the waiter. Jen's father offered to get the next round. I ordered a Guinness, forgetting that he's a staunchly practical man who has no interest in frivolous spending. He ordered an MGD which, although touted as the "champagne of beers," really is more like the "acceptable boxed wine of beers." Guinness would be caviar by comparison, unnecessary and pretentious in his eyes. I realized the infraction too late. As I self-consciously sipped at the inky fluid, Jen's mother watched me in a sort of stunned silence, as if I were handling some rare, exotic bird. "Is that beer?" she asked in all sincerity. Her father eyeballed the glass, and smiled. I offered him a taste, but he declined. "I hope you enjoy it," he said politely. I didn't. I couldn't gauge how much more of me he was willing to put up with on this trip. Jen's father, who says things like, "the secularists have won," when he doesn't see enough religious programming on television, will watch us get married on the balcony of a ski resort, and isn't likely to hear Jesus Christ mentioned unless someone drops something on their foot. We had already declined his suggestions for a catholic minister, snubbing a long list of favorite family pastors. We opted instead for somebody with a PhD in theology, whose name appeared after a Google search of the words "Unitarian" and "Michigan." Religious vagueness seemed an acceptable compromise, but certain things were non-negotiable. Jen's parents had accepted our non-traditional demands graciously, defying the rigid, black and white mental box I had imagined them occupying. I thought about that as we sat in the restaurant that night listening to advice, congratulations, and occasionally, dire warnings from the people who helped form Jen into the person I want to marry. I decided to loosen up and join in the celebration. When the waiter came back, I felt like ordering champagne. I ordered an MGD instead.
It's
Cool! It's Convenient! No Cutting! Waiting in line for wedding cake should be a happy occasion. But the kids inevitably complain that Susie got one more icing flower petal than Bobby did. Uncle Jack in front of you visits the cocktail bar 10 times while you travel two feet in the cake line. And by the time you make it to the cake table all the lemon poppyseed is gone, and what's left is butterscotch banana because the bride wanted a "unique" flavor. You don't need a dramatization to know that the sweet subject of wedding cake can all too easily turn bitter.
A new trend is emerging to eschew wedding cake altogether and instead serve individual cupcakes, which bakers make with the same batter and frosting choices as the towering topple-prone cakes of old. Foodie mags like Bon Appetit and Gourmet have in recent months touted cupcake trees as the natural progression of wedding cakes. Everybody loves cupcakes — they can be individually decorated and cost about the same as a batter-and-frosting Tower of Pisa. If you're planning on getting crafty and using decorated take-out containers for party favors, rack your brains no more for what to fill them with! Most guests would love to sashay out the door with a take-home cupcake rather than a bottle of hot sauce or bar of soap. But beware! Some wedding experts feel cupcake trees have their place, but not as a wedding centerpiece. Jo Dial, a wedding planner for seven years with Wedding Solutions in Eugene, has talked couples out of cupcake trees. The only advantage she sees is that you don't have to pay a caterer to serve the cupcakes, or pay a cutting fee if you've rented a venue that charges to cut and serve cake. "A [cupcake tree] is not a real popular thing because it doesn't really take the place of an elegant centerpiece," said Dial. "If you were doing a dessert reception without the formal cake cutting, without the full reception food line then that would be different. As a wedding planner I push the traditional." Dial has made wedding cakes for 13 years and wouldn't even make a cupcake tree unless it was for a very small, informal gathering or dessert reception with many options aside from cake. She also said a cupcake is larger than a slice of cake and a larger serving than many people would eat. But Catherine Reinhart, co-owner of Sweet Life Pâtisserie, thinks that's an overstatement. "We have a little bitty cupcake which is the size of a home cupcake and then we have a jumbo size," she said. "I have a hard time eating a whole one. But the little one is perfect. It's like four bites." In fact, Sweet Life has made five cupcake trees for weddings in the past year. "They're super cute," she said, while also acknowledging that decorating options may be a bit more limited. "Because you can only decorate what's on top of the cupcake and what color frosting you put on top of them and what color doodad you put on them," Reinhart explained. "You can go crazy with wedding cakes and we have hundreds of thousands of different designs for wedding cakes. But I would say both are versatile within their own limitations." There's one more option for folks on small budgets who want to buck tradition altogether or are having a morning wedding: donut trees! Buy different varieties from Krispy-Kreme and stack the donuts on the stand with fresh flowers. It's the trend of the future, and only humbug people don't like donuts!
Where To Find Your Cupcake Tree Cupcake stands are usually clear plastic or sturdy cardboard and can be decorated easily with a glue gun or double-sided tape. Consider covering the stand with foil or plastic so you can use it again sans decoration after the wedding is over. Pile on petit fours, brownies or any bite-size appetizer at your next dinner party. A website (www.cupcaketrees.com) offers the full-size stands for $39.95 or $24.95 for mini-cupcake stands. Their original Cupcake Tree holds up to 300 cupcakes if all five tiers are used. Jo Dial, wedding cake baker and wedding planning consultant at Wedding Solutions, can be reached at 741-8136. Sweet Life Pâtisserie, a local bakery, can be reached at 683-5676. |
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