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Minding Your Body 2006 Does
Eugene Have a Plan B? It's a legal drug prescribed by doctors. In some states, including Washington, it's even available over the counter (OTC). But across the nation, pharmacists are refusing to dispense the drug to patients, citing moral, religious or ethical conflicts. Some chain pharmacies such as Wal-Mart refuse to carry it. The drug? A high dose of levonorgestrel, one of the synthetic hormones frequently used in birth control pills.
The FDA approved the drug, known as emergency contraception (EC), Plan B (a brand), or the morning after pill, as a contraceptive to prevent pregnancy. It's been used since oral contraceptives became available in the 1970s, and in 1998 the FDA approved a product specifically designed as EC called Preven. Taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex, EC is about 75-89 percent effective in preventing an unwanted pregnancy. The sooner a woman takes it following the incident, the more effective it is. Increasing accessibility to the drug could prevent thousands of the 15,000 unwanted pregnancies a year in Oregon alone. Since statistically, 25 percent of all unwanted pregnancies are terminated by abortion, increasing the availability of EC could also reduce the numbers of abortions in the state by thousands as well. Oregon is one of a handful of states in the country that provides women greater access to reproductive healthcare than required by federal law. But even here, a woman might have a hard time getting a prescription for emergency contraception filled. Because regardless of the reason she needs it, regardless of the fact that a doctor prescribed it to her, any pharmacist can refuse to fill it because he or she doesn't think people should have access to this drug. Sue Miller (not her real name), 26, of Eugene, was on vacation at the coast with her boyfriend over Labor Day weekend when the condom they were using broke. "It was really a shock," she said. "Given the time of the month, I thought I was probably OK. But any of the timing stuff [for determining risk of pregnancy] is a little too loosey-goosey for me. I wasn't certain, and I was really stressed out."
Miller had heard about EC from a friend and went down to the local pharmacy to get more information. "I was worried," she said. "I was in a small coastal town; and after all the recent fuss about some pharmacies refusing to dispense it, I was worried that I would have to go back to Eugene or wait until Tuesday, which would have been the absolute latest I could have taken it." But the local Rite-Aid not only dispensed Plan B, the pharmacist told Miller they had it in stock. So she phoned her doctor in Eugene who happened to be on call that weekend and was able to get the prescription filled. "If I had had to wait a month to find out, it would have been really stressful," she said. "I felt really compromised. Regardless of how supportive your boyfriend is, it still feels like my issue and my responsibility [if I got pregnant]. It felt really good to be in control." Miller is in the majority. She got a prescription. She took it to a pharmacy. And the pharmacist filled it for her. But Planned Parenthood and NARAL (National Abortion Rights Action League) have received reports from women across the state who've had pharmacists refuse to fill their prescriptions for Plan B and also for oral contraceptives. "As a pharmacist, you need to fulfill your job duties and not condemn people," said Kellie Shoemaker, vice president of public affairs for Planned Parenthood in Eugene. "If someone was standing in front of them [pharmacists] getting asthma medicine or heart medicine, this wouldn't be an issue. How big of an uproar would people be in if pharmacists were refusing to fill people's prescriptions for cancer medications? Because this is birth control, some people still think it's OK, and that's a problem."
Conscientious Objectors? The laws that allow pharmacists to refuse to dispense certain drugs are called conscience clauses and originated in response to the Supreme Court's 1973 decision in Roe v. Wade legalizing abortion. Later the conscience clauses were used to protect pharmacists who refused to dispense the drugs for an assisted suicide, permitted by laws such as Oregon's Death with Dignity Act, passed in 1994. Unlike some states, Oregon's conscience clause only applies to people employed by the Department of Health and Human Services. The state statute allows a DHS employee to refuse to offer family planning or birth control services if the employee states his or her objection in writing. Under the law, DHS can't fire the employee. But the statute doesn't apply to pharmacists. No law gives pharmacists permission to refuse to fill prescriptions because they have moral or ethical objections. But neither does any law require them to. In 1999 the Oregon House voted down HB 2010, a bill that would have allowed pharmacists to refuse to fill prescriptions for emergency contraception, RU-486 and drugs used in assisted suicide, while simultaneously prohibiting pharmacies from disciplining or firing employees who refused to fill these prescriptions. The ethics of the issue is something the Oregon State Board of Pharmacy has wrestled with for the last seven or eight years. In a 1999 newsletter, the board first addressed the issue of pharmacists refusing to dispense EC in a section titled "Patient Abandonment." Just last November the board issued a more specific statement under the title "Pharmacy Services: Considering Moral and Ethical Objections." "Just as other health care professionals and practitioners in Oregon have a choice, pharmacists have the right to freely choose whether or not to participate in activities they find morally or ethically objectionable," reads the November 2005 newsletter. "Oregon pharmacists, do not, however, have a right to interfere with a patient's right to receive lawfully and appropriately prescribed drug therapy." Gary Schnabel, executive director of the Oregon State Board of Pharmacy, said the board discussed the issue of pharmacist refusal during two consecutive board meetings. "[Coming up with our position on this issue] was a balancing act," he said. "It's difficult to tell a pharmacist they have to fill every prescription. In this case we're talking about people who feel they have strong moral obligations. How can you acknowledge that right for people and still protect the patients?" Ultimately the board settled on a policy that allows a pharmacist to refuse to dispense medications based on moral or ethical beliefs while requiring that the pharmacist also protect the needs and rights of the customers. "The pharmacist can't be a barrier," Schnabel said. "If they can't dispense [a prescription], they need to refer that person to someone so they can get it." One of the situations that concerns people like Shoemaker of Planned Parenthood is limited accessibility: people who live in rural areas and only have access to one pharmacy. "[Pharmacist refusal] is a big deal when you start looking at people who have limited transportation, access or ability to get out and about," Shoemaker said. So what would the Oregon pharmacy board do if a pharmacist working in an area with no other pharmacy nearby refused to fill a prescription for emergency contraception? "If they were the only pharmacy and we received a complaint from the patient, it would be investigated," Schnabel said. "The board would look at that particular case to determine whether or not the pharmacist was becoming a barrier to the patient being able to fill their prescription." He said that if the board decided the patient was unable to fill their prescription easily and in a timely manner, board members would probably consider the pharmacist a barrier and could issue a fine against the pharmacist or take other disciplinary action.
Federal vs. State At the federal level, doctors and scientists have pushed to get emergency contraception legalized as an over-the-counter drug. In August 2005 FDA Commissioner Lester Crawford announced the organization would further delay the decision to make EC available OTC, despite the fact that the FDA's own panel of scientists has overwhelmingly recommended it. In a highly publicized move, the FDA's commissioner for women's health, Susan Wood, resigned to protest the FDA's stance on EC. The Washington Post reported that she wrote, "I can no longer serve as staff when scientific and clinical evidence, fully evaluated and recommended for approval by the professional staff here, has been overruled," in an e-mail to her fellow staff members at the FDA. Despite the FDA's ruling, some states, including Washington, have legalized emergency contraception as an OTC drug requiring no prescription. "It would have been a lot easier if I didn't have to figure out my doctor's phone number and call her on a weekend," said Miller, who used EC when her contraception method failed. "I really wish I had been able to get it over the counter." During the Oregon Legislature's last session, a bill that would have made emergency contraception easier to get failed to pass both houses. At the request of the attorney general's Sexual Assault Task Force (SATF), Oregon legislators introduced Senate Bill 849, which would have allowed pharmacists to dispense emergency contraception without a prescription to women who requested it. "This will greatly benefit rape and incest survivors," said SATF Executive Director Phyllis Barkhurst, as quoted in The Oregonian. The bill was supported by a broad coalition from both the Republican and Democratic parties, including the Oregon State Board of Pharmacy and the Oregon Women's Health and Wellness Alliance. But in May, the bill was defeated in the Oregon House. One of the factually incorrect arguments made by anti-choice activists who argued against the bill is that emergency contraception is an abortifacient like RU-486. According to numerous studies, including those conducted by the FDA, emergency contraception can help prevent pregnancy but has absolutely no effect on an established pregnancy. Providing emergency contraception to sexual assault survivors is a particularly sensitive issue. In some of the cases in which pharmacists have refused to fill prescriptions for emergency contraception, the women had been raped or sexually assaulted. In one case, by the time the pharmacy owner stepped in and filled the prescription, it was too late. According to a study by the Oregon Department of Human Services published in the American Journal of Public Health, in 2003 only 61 percent of rape patients treated in Oregon emergency rooms were routinely offered EC as part of their exam. Nancy Selko works in the Sacred Heart emergency department and is also certified through the SATF as a sexual assault nurse examiner (SANE). She said that at Sacred Heart, assault victims are always offered emergency contraception as part of their treatment. "One of the major concerns [of women] after being assaulted is STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) and pregnancy," she said. "When I talk to a victim, I talk about all the things we're going to do and all of their options. I would say that 100 percent of the [assault] victims treated here are offered EC. That's just part of our protocol." But according to the DHS, only about 40 percent of assault victims ever seek medical treatment. That's why making EC available OTC is a priority for the Oregon attorney general's Sexual Assault Task Force.
Local Pharmacies But even if emergency contraception was available over the counter, that wouldn't necessarily guarantee you could get it because pharmacists can still refuse to dispense it. In an informal survey of pharmacies in Eugene, EW only found two pharmacies where you can't get a prescription for emergency contraception filled: Wal-Mart and Hirons. Both companies have a policy against stocking and ordering the medication. But at every other pharmacy we called, which included locations in Eugene, Springfield and Cottage Grove, the pharmacist either had the drug in stock or could order and fill it within 24 hours. In the late '90s, Fred Meyer went so far as to fire a pharmacist for refusing to fill a prescription, which was what prompted legislators to propose HB 2010. In a Spring 2005 survey of pharmacies across the state, NARAL Pro-Choice Oregon found that in Oregon, 70 percent of pharmacists surveyed regularly stock emergency contraception. Some companies, such as Kmart, CVS and Costco, have policies that require their pharmacies to find a way to fill a customer's prescription regardless of pharmacists' personal beliefs. Recently Target has been under fire from women's rights organizations because some pharmacists at the chain have refused to fill prescriptions for EC, and the company has not implemented a policy that protects customers' rights. But at both Target stores here in Eugene, the pharmacist who answered our calls said they stock emergency contraception and would be willing to fill a prescription for it. While that research may seem favorable to women trying to get a prescription for EC filled hre in Eugene, the reality may be a bit more challenging. As part of this story, an EW reporter called her doctor and got a prescription for EC. Before calling in the prescription, the nurse suggested the patient call the pharmacy first. The nurse said that in her experience, lots of pharmacies either didn't carry the medication or wouldn't fill the prescription. EC is also available through Planned Parenthood and Lane County Public Health. "We recommend that people have it on hand in case they have a method failure," said Betsy Meredith, nursing supervisor for Lane County Public Health. She said her staff is "self selected" and that they've never had a staff member invoke their rights under the Oregon statute and refuse to provide family planning services. As a Title X clinic, Lane County Public Health is also the only place in the county where you are guaranteed family planning services, whether you can pay for them or not. "We want people to know they can come in here and get a high quality exam, birth control, including emergency contraception, if they need it, and not have to pay," she said. Living in Eugene affords women multiple options and we have few barriers to getting prescriptions, including emergency contraception, filled here. We can take it for granted that we can walk into a pharmacy with a prescription and get it filled. But in other parts of the state and country, the right to something as basic as getting the medicine your doctor prescribed for you is compromised. Though she was referring to reproductive health services in general, Betsy Meredith summed it up the best when she said, "These services are vulnerable." • To report a pharmacist who has refused to fill a prescription, contact the Oregon State Board of Pharmacy at (971) 673-0001 or e-mail the compliance director at gary.miner@state.or.us
It's
Better to Know In the 1995 song "Positive," Spearhead singer Michael Franti talks about getting an HIV test. He goes to a clinic, gets tested anonymously and waits two maddening weeks for the results. He chews himself out for all the times he had unprotected sex and for not getting tested earlier. Still, he keeps reminding himself, "It's better to know than to not know."
The song ends with a woman's voice saying, "Michael, a letter for you from the Department of Health." With the results, we assume. That's where the song departs from reality. According to the FDA, all legal HIV tests in the U.S. require patients to get their results from trained counselors who can tell HIV-negative people how to minimize their risks and HIV-positive people where to find care. The other factors in HIV testing vary. You can get tested anonymously or with your identity known. You can get an oral or blood test. You can even collect your own blood sample at home and mail it to a lab, using the FDA-approved Home Access HIV collection kit. But in all of those circumstances, you get your results from a counselor. That might change if the FDA approves an over-the-counter version of the OraSure OraQuick Rapid Test, which would allow people to test themselves orally for HIV at home and get their results within 20 minutes. An OraSure representative proposed the over-the-counter test to an FDA committee in November. OraSure will likely submit an FDA application for the test in the near future, though company reps won't commit to a date. Other home HIV testing kits are available over the Internet, but those haven't been FDA-approved. The FDA warns that some have yielded false results in field tests. You might expect health care professionals to be stoked about the possibility of a legal, reliable, over-the-counter HIV test. Easier access means more people get tested, more HIV-positive people get diagnosed, and hopefully, fewer people contract the virus … right? Not quite. Many health care professionals have concerns about an over-the-counter HIV test, and some are even speaking out against it.
"For a number of reasons, we oppose rapid HIV test kits being sold over the counter," said Kelly Moore, counseling and testing director for HIV Alliance. "I would worry that people, upon receiving a positive diagnosis, would be in shock or wouldn't seek care. I worry that some people would get confused and think that 'positive' means 'good.'" Moore says that all people who test for HIV need counseling. For those who test positive, counselors offer emotional support and referrals to local care clinics. For those who test negative, counselors offer advice on how to reduce or eliminate the risk of contracting HIV in the future. "You really see the need for that when you are working with people who are at risk for HIV," she said. "What over-the-counter test can you provide for any fatal disease?" Planned Parenthood spokeswoman Kellie Shoemaker also worries that an over-the-counter HIV test could do more harm than good. "It's important to think about whether or not an individual would be getting access to the services they would need if they tested positive," she said. "If someone tested negative, you would have to wonder whether they would continue with the risky behavior that led them to test themselves for HIV." Lane County Public Health Department HIV counselor Greg Eicher views the possibility of an over-the-counter test in shades of gray. "There are pros and cons," he said. "In some ways, I think it would be helpful for people who have concerns [about HIV] but for whom we could not offer the rapid test. But there is also a concern about the possibility of suicide or other acting-out behavior for people who have a positive result. It's kind of a toss-up." State epidemiologist Dr. Mel Kohn agrees: "I think there clearly are some pluses and some minuses. Improving access to HIV testing is an important goal of public health, and having something available over the counter has some value. On the other hand, that has to be balanced with concerns about what people would do with this product. Would they be prepared for a positive result? Would people who test negative think it gives them license to engage in risky behaviors?" OraSure spokeswoman Jennifer Moritz argues that an over-the-counter OraQuick test would "empower more people to learn their HIV status" by offering an option to test at home — while providing critical resources for positive individuals to seek counseling and treatment. "Counseling is a critical component of any HIV testing platform and for an [over the counter] rapid test, we believe that individuals must have access to multiple channels for counseling, support and linkages to care," she wrote by e-mail. "This could be accomplished by establishing counseling options by telephone, web-site, or in person through a local public health clinic." Moritz touches on a key point: an over-the-counter HIV test might allay the fears of people who worry about their privacy. A 2001 Oregon law requires clinics that test patients confidentially (with their identities known) to report the names of HIV-positive individuals to the state. After 90 days, the state converts the name to a code. But in March 2006, the state will be required to retain the names of HIV-positive patients indefinitely. The change will allow Oregon to receive federal funding for HIV care, Dr. Kohn said. But clinics across the state, including several in Lane County, offer anonymous testing, in which the clinic never knows the identity of the patient and thus cannot report the names of HIV-positive people to the state. According to 2004 data from the Oregon Department of Human Services, about 4,000 Oregonians (one-tenth of one percent of the state population) have HIV or AIDS, 250 of them in Lane County. The actual numbers are probably higher, Moore said, because the state doesn't count people who tested anonymously or who don't know that they have the virus. People who test positive in an over-the-counter HIV test would also slip under the state's radar.
Oregon
Rx Four years ago the insurance and hospital industry blasted out of the water a citizen initiative for universal health care. The measure won only 21 percent of the vote after opponents spent more than $1 million to defeat it. But with costs continuing to spiral and access to medical care declining, reform advocates haven't given up.
Former Gov. John Kitzhaber recently used interest in the possibility he might run for governor to focus media attention on the problem. Kitzhaber says he wants to put an initiative on the November ballot that would provide basic health care for all Oregonians. The system would be funded by capturing money currently spent on Medicaid and Medicare and health care related tax breaks. The rub is it would require a host of federal waivers and legal changes that the health care lobbyists could kill in Washington. Current Gov. Ted Kulongoski, relieved Kitzhaber won't run against him, also recently announced his own more modest effort to insure all Oregon children. Details of the plan are sketchy and Kulongoski has let Oregon Health Plan insurance for the poor wilt during his tenure. A host of other proposed reform initiatives for November are also out circulating for signatures. Here's a rundown: • A universal health care initiative would require the state Legislature to provide universal health care by 2008. • A bipartisan group of legislators have sponsored a constitutional amendment that takes a more incremental approach by establishing health care as a fundamental right and forcing the Legislature to develop a plan to provide universal coverage (see www.hopefororegon.org). • The legislator group has also filed an initiative to boost tobacco taxes to raise funds that would provide universal health coverage to kids. A similar measure failed in the Legislature last year. • Bill Morrisette, Democratic state senator from Springfield, has filed a initiative that would allow any uninsured Oregonian to take part in the state's drug discount program for uninsured, poor seniors. The right is also out circulating health care initiatives. One protects bad doctors from lawsuits for patient injuries. Another would restrict abortion choice by requiring parental notification. An estimated 615,000 Oregonians lack health insurance. In addition to the human suffering the lack of health care causes for its victims, reformers say the uninsured boost premiums for the insured as hospitals try to recover uncompensated care.
Your
Personalized Toxic Environment
Robin Carol and Rachel Gilmer are typical teenage girls. They talk loud and often; they're deciding what colleges they'll attend next fall; they make an effort to look good when they're in public. The two South Eugene High School seniors wear makeup to school at least a few days a week and always throw on some lip gloss or eye shadow when they go out on weekends. Just like anyone else, they like it when they look good. But the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics (CSC), a coalition of environmental, health and consumer groups, is saying that consumers like Carol and Gilmer need to be aware that some of the health and beauty products they're using to look good could be hazardous to their health. If you look at the back of a bottle of shampoo or nail polish chances are you'll see a list of hard-to-pronounce chemicals you've never heard of, such as sodium laureth sulfate, ethyl acetate or methylchloroisothiazolinone. Many of these chemicals are benign, but studies show others to be toxic. Dibutyl phthalate, toluene and petroleum distillates, chemicals frequently found in makeup and body products, have been linked to birth defects, reproductive system abnormalities and cancerous tumors in lab animals. The ingredients in these products are supposed to be reviewed by the Food and Drug Administration before hitting the shelves, but, according to the Washington, D.C.-based Environmental Working Group (EWG), the research wing of the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, this isn't the case. Their studies show that 99 percent of health and body products contain at least one ingredient that hasn't been screened. In some cases, no standards exist for screening a questionable chemical. "The law requires that every ingredient must be reviewed for safety before it can be put in a product. This just isn't happening," said Lauren Sucher, director of public affairs for EWG. For example, she says, "even if 15 ingredients in a product have been reviewed on their own, no one has reviewed them when they're mixed up together." After examining 37 toxicity and regulatory databases including lists of questionable chemicals being evaluated by the Environmental Protection Agency and the World Health Organization, EWG released a consumer guide called "Skin Deep." The guide reviewed and ranked 14,227 health and beauty products from 988 brands, including deodorants, shampoos, lip balms and makeup products such as NARS eye shadow and Burt's Bees lip balm — products that Carol and Gilmer, and thousands of other teens across the country, use on a regular basis. "We were surprised," said Carol after she and Gilmer checked the database for some of the products they use. "Our makeup was OK, but a lot of the face washes, that you would think are cleaning you, were even toxic." As a tool for consumers, Skin Deep isn't meant to disclose a list of products that cause cancer or birth defects; it's meant to provide consumers with information so they can make informed choices. The Environmental Working Group also hopes it sparks some voluntary changes by the industry leaders while hastening government regulation of the $35 billion cosmetics industry. "Our whole point is to raise concern, not alarm," said Sucher.
Consumers can access the Skin Deep database at www.ewg.org/reports/skindeep2/. Enter a specific product or brand, and a list of scores will come up rating products from "low concern" to "higher concern." In a separate "Teen" category meant to categorize products aimed directly at consumers Carol and Gilmer's ages, makeup products such as Jelly eye shadow, Hard Candy nail polish, L'Oreal Feel Naturale concealer and Urban Decay perfume were designated as being of "higher concern." "You don't really even think about it from day to day," says Carol as she starts putting away her Burt's Bees lip gloss and Sephora eye liner, just a few of the makeup products strewn about the table in front of her. "If it gets in your eyes, that's pretty creepy." But there is a contradiction that should be noted. Although every ingredient that goes into a health or beauty product is, by law, supposed to be screened for safety by the FDA, the administration is not responsible for testing the products themselves before they hit the shelves. "Essentially, our regulatory authority falls under the Food, Drug and Cosmetic Act and the Fair Packaging and Labeling Act," said an FDA spokeswoman. "[Products] don't have to be approved before they go on the shelves." According to EWG, only 11 percent of the 10,500 cosmetic ingredients catalogued by the FDA have been assessed for safety. The industry can use any chemical it chooses in its products, besides the nine that have been banned by the FDA in its 30 years regulating cosmetics. "The FDA essentially lets the cosmetics industry decide what's safe and what isn't," Sucher says. Some of the larger cosmetics companies, such as Estée Lauder and Revlon (whose representatives didn't return calls for this story by deadline) have publicly stated that they stand by the safety of their products. When the European Union banned the use of two phthalates in health and beauty products in 2004, these companies eliminated the chemicals from their products shipped to the E.U. and have reportedly agreed to remove them from U.S. products as well. But EWG and the Campaign For Safe Cosmetics are concerned because the larger companies, such as L'Oreal, Avon, Revlon and Estée Lauder, haven't signed the CSC's Compact for Safe Cosmetics, which states that a company's products will be "free of chemicals that are known or strongly suspected of causing cancer, mutation or birth defects." But this doesn't mean that all the larger companies' products are unsafe. L'Oreal Quick Stick Instant Foundation Buff and Revlon Wet/Dry (eye) Shadow are examples of products deemed "low concern" in the Skin Deep guide. Many smaller companies specializing in natural or organic products earned "low concern" ratings from the Skin Deep guide as well. For instance, the guide ranks 146 Burt's Bees products — 117 of which are considered products of "low concern." The other 29 are listed as being of "moderate concern." Despite the "low concern" ratings of many "all-natural" and "organic" products, Eugene-based naturopathic doctor Jan Gagnon, N.D., advises sticking to products with the least amount of chemical ingredients and to be wary of products claiming to be natural. "Natural is a pretty relative term. It covers a lot of things that aren't necessarily organic. It's just a catchall word," Gagnon said. Yet as awareness of the possible dangers of health and beauty products rise, consumers have been opting for products they feel are more natural. Burt's Bee's, one of the nation's leading "natural" health and beauty product manufacturers, has products available in more than 14,000 stores across the country, whereas only 10 years ago its products were found in only 2,000 to 3,000 stores. Consumers should know that just because they can't pronounce the chemicals on the back of their bottle of conditioner doesn't mean they can't use health and beauty products and stay safe. By checking on specific products on the Skin Deep database, consumers can compile a list of products that are regulated and deemed safe. When it comes to makeup safety, Carol and Gilmer say that they do what their mothers have been telling them to do for years. They try not to share products, they wash off their makeup before bed and they throw away products if the color changes or an odor develops.
It's
Sufferin' Season, Y'all Recently, a press release showed up in my inbox declaring that Jan. 24 is "the most depressing day of the year." It seems "new research" came out that pretty much proves it. The old research had it at Jan. 27, but I always knew that was total freakin' bullshit. The new "Depression Day" was being peddled along with a book by a Dr. Kathleen Hall entitled A Life In Balance: Nourishing the Four Roots of True Happiness. Dr. Hall's philosophy is all about paying attention to the self, with a capital SELF. The acronym breaks down to Serenity, Exercise, Love and Food. But if you ask me, it should stand for Salty Eddy's Leprechaun Fondue, because that's funnier. I haven't read the book yet, but I guess it talks about Seasonal Affective Disorder, which is just SAD. I have to admit I was a little hesitant to buy into SAD as a legitimate health concern. But as it turns out, SAD has come to be recognized by the medical community as a legitimate mental disorder, like hysterical pregnancy, or voting Republican. Still, I decided to do a little journalistic sleuthing of my own. According to a sassy Consumer Reports article, two-thirds of SAD sufferers are women. Oh, here we go, right? Now, I don't want to piss off anybody here, but why do you women have to keep inventing problems? First it's "the vapors," then it's PMS, and now this? Come on! Anyway, I wasn't convinced. I decided to conduct a little informal poll, á la Gallup, selecting from opposite ends of the social spectrum to avoid a biased response. So after talking to like, 15 pharmaceutical executives and at least that many Eugene Weekly readers, my suspicions were put to rest. SAD is real! Fortunately, my poll-ees had some helpful suggestions on how to combat this disorder. Respondents seemed to favor either a twice-daily Zoloft/Viagra/Lipitor/Benadryl/Neosporin/Rogaine treatment, or else something called "the chronic"? Dr. Hall has her own suggestions. The press release outlined some of her more controversial techniques, such as eating exotic foods like mango salad and black bean lasagna (tip 1), or watching a funny movie (tip 3), oh, or putting on a bright scarf or shoes and buying a cheery tablecloth (tip 2). At times though, Dr. Hall drifts into murky, almost experimental territory. In tip 5, she states that each family member shall take 10 minutes, on any three days of the week, to "take a bath, read, paint, or take a nap to help recharge in these draining times." Whoa, slow down, Dr. Feelgood! What is this, 1969? Of course, one of the most popular treatments for SAD sufferers is "light therapy." This is where you sit in front of a $300 lamp for long stretches of the day and pretend you're on a beach in Hawaii. This can be very effective, but often disorienting. Sometimes, after a long session under the lamp, you might be startled to wake up and find that you're not really in Hawaii, but are instead lying on the floor of your apartment in your underwear while your dog licks Doritos crumbs off your chest. If you don't live in Eugene, there may be just enough real sun breaking through the winter gloom to make a lamp unnecessary. But to harness the weakened sun's full potency on the doomsday that is Jan. 24, you may have to get a little creative. Dr. Hall recommends one of those inverted lampshades they put on freshly neutered dogs. OK, that's my suggestion. But if you line the inside with tin foil and slip it over your head while you're walking around outside, I bet you'll double your light intake. I imagine this could be awkward at first, so it's probably best to do it with a partner, or at least in a crowded place so you can latch onto passersby. Just explain that you're clinically SAD, and most people will be more than happy to lead you around for a while. I realize SAD season is long and terrible, but by the time you read this, Depression Day will have passed. My own Jan. 24 was pretty uneventful. But I did notice that a couple of yogurts in my fridge had expired precisely on this woeful day. It gave me an eerie feeling, kind of bummed me out. And I'm not even a chick. |
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