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Best of the Ballots BEST WAY TO IMPROVE DOWNTOWN "Drop back five and punt." "More little white lights in trees." "Public hot air balloon transportation." "Spend a little time there everyday. Get a cup of coffee. Or a haircut. Dirty hippies. ;)" "Keep the colorful young people quieter." "It involves lots of turkey gravy and lollies."
BEST PERSON MAKING A DIFFERENCE "All LTD bus drivers … OK, most of them." "Frog. He adds humor to our lives, one bad joke at a time." "The person putting up those colorful, inspirational slogans in random intersections."
BEST PLACE TO MEET A ONE-NIGHT STAND "The Pita Pit after the bars close (seriously)."
BEST CAUSE OF LOCAL UPROAR: "The end of Palace Bakery. I love you happy bakers!" "Christmas trees (every winter it's a source of agony for many)." "Bum on his bike with cat on shoulder." "Idiot plans to give public money to private developers to destroy the zen-like vacancy of our downtown."
BEST ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY BUSINESS "I don't know who to trust." "Wake up! It is hype."
BEST MOMENT IN LOCAL SPORTS "Helmsley the Weather Dog's cheerleader outfit." "Seeing what new uniforms the Ducks will wear (every Saturday all fall)." "May '07 — guys playing catch in a park, one misses, ball hits guy reading in the face."
BEST DAY TRIP "Mushrooms." "Hwy. 99 to Corvallis to tour a real downtown with friendly people."
BEST ALL-AGES HANGOUT "My boyfriend says the Gateway Mall is good for scoping jailbait."
BEST HAPPY HOUR OR DRINK SPECIALS "$1 drinks= bad attitude, black eye and DUII."
BAR WITH THE BEST AMUSEMENTS "John Henry's: The amusement's free, just watch the people."
BEST HANGOVER BREAKFAST "(Insert Brail's Ad Here)" "Aspirin and Sugar Pops" "Black coffee and Bushmills after sex." "Dari Mart biscuits and gravy." "Peanut brittles sprinkled over leftover Chinese."
BEST LOCAL WINERY "Not the place where they do that fairy crap."
BEST PLACE TO GET A GLASS OF WINE "My living room — I serve three buck Chuck" "Wine is for pussies and gourmet food."
BEST HIPPIE BUSINESS "Dancing is the business hippies do best" "Hippie? Business?" "larz bazares" [sic] "No identifiable hippies in this area."
BEST STOP ON THE FIRST FRIDAY ARTWALK "Restrooms in Parkade."
BEST STOP ON THE LAST FRIDAY ARTWALK "I recognize all the words, but I have no idea what you're asking me."
BEST STUDENT ORGANIZATION "Inconspicuous Lit (totally awesome underground newspaper at South which has a Facebook page if you're awesome enough to handle it)." "Lil' Knights for Indonesian Orphan Shoe Makers." "The UO Insurgent staff ... pissing off Bill O'Reilly is a tall order for such a small paper."
THE MANY WAYS TO SPELL NINKASI: Kinkasi, Nakishi, Nankasi, Necassi, Nicasse, Nicassi, Nicasti, Nickasi, Nickasia, Nicossi, Nigazi, Nikasa, Nikasi, Nimkasi, Nincase, Nincasi, Nincausi, Nincose, Nincoste, Ningazi, Ninkaisi, Ninkasa, Ninkasi Foo, NinKassi, Ninkast, Ninkasy, Ninkazi, Ninkazie, Ninkisi, Nkazi, Nucasi ...
BEST INDEPENDENT BOOKSTORE "Does Smith Family have to pay for this?" "Eh? Fonikz?"
BEST FAITH-BASED ORGANIZATION "Atheists R Us." "No good can come from this." "Phil Knight Apocalyptic Congregation of Money Hungry University Administration." "Those who can share their spirit path with others and not fear judgment." "Prince Puckler's."
WORST FASHION TREND "Collars up (fucking christ)." "People under the age of 30 at '80s night."
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