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Procrastinators'
Gift Guide 2007
Bopping
Around the Holiday Shrub
EW's
music fiends on some of the year's best
Swift
Reads Cute,
weird, funny gift books
Not
Too Late for Toys A
last-minute tour of Eugene's non-toxic toy options
Bleeding
At the Holidays Giving
for exceptionally good reasons
Last Call Wine
advice for the final days of 2007
Swift
Reads
Cute,
weird, funny gift books
By
Molly templeton
You might think that after last week's Winter Reading
issue, I'd be done with books for a while. But you'd be wrong: After
a week spent reading novels that weren't published in 2007 (a Winter
Reading requirement), here I am with more books! These, though,
are a little different. These are the sort of books that don't lend
quite themselves to straightforward reviews, exactly. They're the
books you pick up and put down again, or flip through in all directions
— backwards, forwards, sideways, upside down. Stories about
words and latkes, rehab and sea cucumbers. In other words? They
make really good presents.
For your word nerds, there's Katherine Baker's charmingly
titled Six Words You Never Knew Had
Something to Do With Pigs (Penguin,
$13). For the record, those words are porcelain, screw, soil, porpoise,
root and swain. Organized by seasons and then by somewhat related
categories (bridal words in the summer, for example), Baker's little
book is endlessly entertaining — as is the very concept of
Logorrhea: A Spellbinding Collection
of Tales from Twenty-one of Today's Most Imaginative Storytellers
(Bantam Dell, $13). The gimmick? The writers — who include
Elizabeth Hand, Portlander Jay Lake, Jeff VanderMeer and Michael
Moorcock — each contribute "an original tale inspired by one
of dozens of obscure and fascinating [spelling bee] championship
words." "The Smaragdine Knot," anyone?
Does someone you know need a good laugh? There's
the awesome I Am America (And So Can
You!) from Stephen Colbert (Grand
Central, $26.99), which includes such gems as "Endangered Animals,
and Why They Are Unloved By God" (in chart form) and "The Kraft
Seven Seas Creamy Italian Sports Chapter." If Colbert is a bit too
obvious, perhaps this gem from 2006 is in order: Lose
Weight! Get Laid! Find God! The All-in-One Life Planner from Benrik
(Plume, $16). From "Age 0: Make Your Birth Unforgettable" through
"Age 24: Waste This Year" and "Age 58: Turn Into Your Parents" all
the way to "Age 100: Undergo Cryogenic Freezing," the duo that goes
by Benrik has helpful suggestions for every step of life. And worksheets,
too. If that's too complicated, take the simple and hysterical tack:
The Latke Who Couldn't Stop Screaming
(McSweeney's, $9.95) from the ever-brilliant Lemony Snicket, with
screaming latke illustrations by Lisa Brown.
If getting through the holiday season drives your
friends or family to drink, perhaps you know someone who might enjoy
(deep breath; this title is long) Nobody
Likes a Quitter (And Other Reasons to Avoid Rehab): The Loaded Life
of an Outlaw Booze Writer by Dan Dunn
(Thunder's Mouth Press, $14.95). Dunn, who writes a column called
"The Imbiber," peppers his book ("a mosh-up of fact and well-oiled
flights of fancy," says the back cover) with factoids, an open letter
to the chairman of Starbucks, footnotes, recipes and more. (But
honestly, just the title had us in stitches.) For those who excuse
themselves every 20 minutes to shiver outside with their nicotine
sticks, perhaps These Things Aren't
Gonna Smoke Themselves (Bloomsbury,
$12.95), Emily Flake's pocket-sized, illustrated love/hate letter
to cigarettes. Anyone who's ever enjoyed something bad for their
health should get a giggle from this little book — and that's
all of us, right? Right?
Moving along, then. Two hefty tomes full o' quirk
have been sitting on my floor (yes, floor) waiting to be perused
at length: Take Me to Your Leader: Weird
Facts, Bizarre Stories, and Life's Oddities
and Do Not Open
(both DK Publishing, $25 and $24.99 respectively). Ian Harrison's
Leader sports a dog dressed as Yoda on the cover, which is
frankly enough to convince me it's entertaining. Acts of god, conspiracy
theories, national customs and foods, karaoke, dating … there's
a little bit of everything in this densely illustrated book, which
is sort of like a book of facts crossed with everything on the magazine
stand. I think. It's rather hard to classify. John Fardon's Do
Not Open — technically a children's
book, but who's counting? — is a little more specific; it
"blows the lid off the world's biggest secrets, conspiracy theories,
obscurities and ambiguities." It also comes in a neat shiny box
that makes it look like it's behind bars. Do Not Open is
as dense with tidbits and pix as Leader, but it includes
a lot of cartoony little drawings, collages, a fold-out page, lift-the-flap
pages and more, which might make it even better for those with short
attention spans.
Alas, not all of my gifty books can come in pairs,
for I've got nothing to match up with Lorenz Schröter's The
Little Book of the Sea (MacAdam
Cage, $15), which is like one of those Schott's Miscellany books,
only blue, oceanic and less beautifully designed (but still full
of all sorts of wonderful information, like a list of mistakes made
in the film Titanic), or Daniel H. Wilson's Where's
My Jetpack? A Guide to the Amazing Science Fiction Future That Never
Arrived (Bloomsbury, $14.95), a companion
tome to the entertaining How to Survive a Robot Uprising
(which, somewhat confusingly, is reportedly being made into a movie).
And few things would properly pair with All
Over Coffee (City Lights, $24.95),
Paul Madonna's beautiful collection of the titular comic strip,
which runs in the San Francisco Chronicle. Short on words
but long on feeling, these city scenes and lonesome visions seem
to illustrate tiny moments of overhead conversation, imaginative
daydreaming, chance encounters and brief visions. – Molly
Templeton
COOKBOOKS are among
the hardest thing to have pile up in my office, since they make
me hungrier every time I look at them (which is often). Two of the
year's densest, most fascinting tomes include Cooking,
a gargantuan work by James Peterson, and The River Cottage
Meat Book by Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall (both from Ten
Speed Press, each $40). Cooking, which is subtitled 600
recipes, 1500 photographs, one kitchen education, caught my
eye largely because it illustrates everything. Sometimes, for newbie
cooks, instructions can be dizzying: Do what to the what now? This
patient volume will show you, using a series of tiny photographs,
things like how to cut up a raw chicken, how to make straw mat potato
pancakes and how to roll flaky dough. Beyond the specific bits,
Peterson's book is impressively exhaustive. It would take months
to get through the whole thing — making it a worthwhile kitchen
investment for sure. The River Cottage Meat Book is similarly
thorough about its somewhat more specific topic. This is a book
that has distracted me at parties and made my mouth water at work.
It's not just about the pretty pictures of delicious food, though;
Fearnley-Whittingstall begins, "I believe that the way we produce
and use meat requires radical reform." He wants carnivores to think
about their meat consumption in philosophical and environmental
ways — and he's concerned with how meat, once a person
has decided to eat it, is cooked. This is a book both to read through
and reference later.
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