I am 50 and a lesbian. I have had a pretty active sex life for the last 30 years, including a couple of long-term relationships. For the last three years, IÍve been with a woman I love very much. We have amazing sexual chemistry „ by far the best I have experienced.
For the last two years, I have noticed that my clitoris is getting bigger. Not trans-man-takes-testosterone big, but substantially bigger than it has ever been. I thought it was due to a big increase in sexual excitement, but it soon became clear that the enlargement was a permanent thing. It gets much more erect than it used to and often throbs or twitches after I come.
No oneÍs complaining. I am enjoying the heightened sexual arousal, and my girlfriend (who is very GGG) is thrilled. But why/how is this happening? Could it get even bigger? And why now? I hit menopause seven years ago, so itÍs not some weird hormone surge. Could our sexual connection have caused this all by itself? I donÍt really want to ask my gynecologist, though I did notice her checking out my equipment with wide eyes at my last checkup.
Stiffie Needs A Zipcode
ñI always like to hear from people who are satisfied with their sex lives and relationships,î says author, sex researcher, vulva-puppeteer, and archrival sex-advice columnist Debby Herbenick, and I have to agree. Most of our mail comes from people who are unhappy with their sex lives and/or dissatisfied with their relationships. ItÍs always nice to hear from folks who are having fun.
WhatÍs not so nice is that we sometimes have to tell happy-and-satisfied folks that something may be seriously wrong.
ñI would strongly encourage her to ask her gynecologist about her enlarged clitoris,î says Herbenick. ñShe should be very clear about the fact that it has increased in size. She should let her know when she first noticed this and roughly how much she thinks itÍs increased in size.î
If your gynecologist isnÍt comfortable talking with you about your clit „ if she just stands there gaping at it „ get a new gynecologist. Because your megaclit could be a symptom of something very, very serious.
ñYou need your doctor to examine your clit and rule out various medical conditions that could cause hormonal problems,î says Herbenick. ñSometimes these are benign health conditions; unfortunately, sometimes they include vulvar cancers, ovarian cancers, and adrenal cancers that, for example, may present with symptoms including an enlarged clitoris.î
Some women believe their clitorises ñgrewî after menopause, but thatÍs not usually the case. When estrogen levels drop during menopause, other parts of the vulva „ such as the labia „ can become flatter or less prominent, which can in turn make the clitoris appear bigger. ñHowever, sheÍs been in menopause for a long time,î says Herbenick, ñand it sounds like the clitoral change happened well into menopause.î And amazing sex does not supersize clits: ñHigh levels of arousal usually result in only a temporary swelling of the clitoris,î says Herbenick.
So make another appointment to see your doctor, SNAZ, ñand keep asking questions until sheÍs sure that medical conditions, such as cancers, have been ruled out,î urges Herbenick.
And, again, if your gynecologist doesnÍt want to discuss it or was too stupid to spot what could be a symptom of common lady-parts cancers (!), time to get a new gynecologist.
My husband is beautiful, awesome, etc. Unfortunately, his dick is small. It wasnÍt so bad our first few years together; he knows how to work what heÍs got. But then I had a baby, and I tore. A few days later, my stitches tore. My six-week checkup turned out to be a poke in the stomach to confirm that my uterus was back in place, and when I asked why I couldnÍt get restitched, the doctor told me, ñVaginas are very forgiving.î But a year later, Kegels arenÍt helping and both of us are having trouble getting off.
He enjoys anal sex, but itÍs not really fulfilling for me. I want to get a vaginoplasty to fit him, but IÍll have to wait till weÍve saved up enough money to pay for it. Please, Dan, tell me how to have hotter sex with a small dick and a shredded kitty.
ñMany women who have had multiple or traumatic births „ and it sounds like she had a good deal of tearing „ have some degree of prolapse,î says Herbenick. (A uterine prolapse, says the Wiki, ñoccurs when the female pelvic organs fall from their normal position, into or through the vagina.î)
ñIf she did have prolapse,î says Herbenick, ñshe may be a candidate for anterior or posterior vaginal wall repair, which is quite similar to vaginal ïrejuvenationÍ surgeries, and then insurance may cover the surgery.
ñSome people will wildly disagree with me and say that women shouldnÍt have surgery ïto please their man,Í but I donÍt see that here,î Herbenick adds. ñI see two people who are married and want better sex, and she may have experienced some physical changes that have affected that. And there are ways to fix it.î
Debby Herbenick is the associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University and the author of Because It Feels Good: A WomanÍs Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction, a book that I strongly recommend even though Debby once attacked me with a vulva puppet in a room full of people.
I live in Ann Arbor, Michigan. Grange, a local restaurant, has a cocktail called ñGGGinger.î Is it possible for a cocktail to be GGG? And how does it feel to have inspired one?
Curious Cocktail Connection
A cocktail canÍt be GGG, CCC, but a couple of cocktails „ enough to take the edge off inhibitions, not so much to make consent unpossible „ can induce GGG. And, IÍm saddened to report, the GGGingerÍs Gs refer to three of the gin-based cocktailÍs ingredients „ ginger beer, candied ginger, and ginger syrup „ and not to the Savage Love meme ñgood, giving, and game.î Still, Grange co-owner Brandon Johns is confident that his GGGingers have inspired GGG behavior all over Ann Arbor.
ñItÍs been our most popular drink since we opened,î says Johns, ñso it must be doing something right. We also do pitchers of them, and when a couple shares one of those „ letÍs just say that something good is bound to come of that.î
And in other, more successful Savage Love memes ƒæ
Former US senator and current presidential candidolt Rick Santorum ñopened upî to Roll Call last week about his ñlongtime Google problem,î aka ñthe frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the by-product of anal sexî and always the number-one search result when you Google the former senatorÍs last name.
ñItÍs one guy,î Santorum told Roll Call. ñYou know who it is ƒæ ItÍs unfortunate that we have someone who obviously has some issues.î
I do have issues „ I have lots of issues „ but I take particular issue with politicians who compare loving, stable same-sex relationships to ñman on dogî sex, as Santorum has done, or who would ban same-sex marriage and adoptions by same-sex couples, as Santorum has promised to do if he gets elected president. But the lowercase s santorum campaign wasnÍt ñone guy.î A lot of people were involved „ from the Savage Love reader who first suggested that we redefine your name to all the folks whoÍve written about it over the years (thanks, Roll Call!) „ just like a lot of people were involved in turning Rick Santorum out of office in 2006, an election he lost by an 18-point santorumslide.
The website thatÍs still giving Rick Santorum fits „ www.spreadingsantorum.com „ hasnÍt been updated since 2004. But weÍre going to be relaunching the site in the next few weeks. Stay tuned!
Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.