IÍm a 41-year-old, very attractive, happily married woman. My husband and I have been together for 15 years. When we first met, the sex was absolutely incredible. After we got married, the sex was good, not great. This was because we were busy raising our children. (My husband had custody of 4-year-old twins, children from his first marriage, when we married.) The reason I know our sex life suffered while we were busy raising the kids is that after the girls went off to college, things went right back to absolutely incredible.
One night, we were talking about our sexual fantasies, and I confessed that since my mid-30s IÍve fantasized about being with a younger man. He told me that heÍd be fine with me living out that fantasy if I would have a MFF threesome with him. I agreed, and we had the MFF threesome with a friend of mine.
HereÍs my question: How do I go about finding a gorgeous, college-age man? I thought about posting an ad on Craigslist, but youÍve said that most of the people on Craigslist are flakes and picture collectors. Do you have better suggestions for finding a straight college-age guy for a no-strings-attached encounter? IÍm in the Pacific Northwest, if that makes a difference. Also, IÍm a complete newbie to this, so IÍd appreciate a rundown of all of the usual safety advice when meeting a stranger for sex.
Mrs. Robinson Seeks Benjamin
P.S. Here is my e-mail address in case any of your gorgeous, male, college-age readers in the Pacific Northwest are interested: [e-mail deleted].
I donÍt print the e-mail addresses of readers looking for hookups, MRSB, as I am a professional advice columnist, thankyouverymuch, not a yentapimp for wannabe Mrs. Robinsons. (It also gives my lawyer fits. ñWhat if you print this womanÍs e-mail address and this woman meets a nice young man who turns out to be Ted Bundy?î says my lawyer, who is old enough to remember who Ted Bundy was „ and Mrs. Robinson „ but somehow not too old to lawyer.)
But save for asking me to print your e-mail address in the column, MRSB, I approve of everything you and your husband are doing. Married olds everywhere should follow your example: You got through the lean years with decent-if-uninspired sex, you didnÍt become bitter about all that decent-if-uninspired sex, you got back to indecent-and-inspired sex once the kids headed to college (which you were able to do because you didnÍt let yourselves get bitter), and „ most importantly „ instead of freaking out and shooting down each otherÍs sexual fantasies, youÍre helping each other realize those fantasies. Brafuckingvo.
So how do you find the right young man? Trawl the net, like all the other horndogs, and get your husband to help. (You asked your friend to have that three-way, right? Your husband can place a few ñhotwifeî ads.) Yes, there are fakers and flakes on Craigslist „ lots and lots „ but there are some real boys to be had; thereÍs also FetLife.com and AshleyMadison.com and a million other hookup sites. Cast a wide net.
Once youÍve found a potential Benjamin: Make sure you know his real name, meet in public, discuss safety (condoms) and sexual health (tested recently?), and be sure to let him know that someone else „ someone heavily armed „ knows where you are and who youÍre with and when youÍre supposed to be back.
HereÍs the tricky part: If you donÍt get a good feeling when you meet in person „ if he seems dodgy, if his pics lied, if he gives off a rape-y/serial-killer-y/lawyer-y-fit-vindicating vibe „ donÍt go through with it.
P.S. Oh, what the hell: MRSBÍs e-mail address is email@example.com. Have at her, Benjamins.
IÍm a 24-year-old straight male. For the past six months, IÍve been dating an amazing GGG girl. We have amazing sex. The other night, after a week of no sex, I came on to her in bed on Saturday night. She turned me down and said that she was okay with me masturbating on the other side of the bed so she could sleep. After a very unsatisfying orgasm, I told her I understood her need to sleep, since we had an early engagement the next morning, but that this was difficult for me. She said weÍd have great sex the next day, which we did.
Which one of us needs to be GGG in this scenario, should it happen again?
Fucking Early Engagement Botches Lovely Evening
A week is a long time to go without at your age and at six months and prekids, I realize, but it sounds like the girlfriend more than made it up to you the next day. As for who needs to be GGG in this scenario, should it happen again (and it will) ƒæ
GGG demands a little something of both of you. GGG requires you to stop whining about having to wait 24 whole hours for awesome sex, FEEBLE, and GGG requires her „ if she isnÍt completely exhausted (and it appears she wasnÍt, as she was still awake when your ñvery unsatisfying orgasmî was over) „ to come through with a loving assist when youÍre desperate and sheÍs not feeling it, i.e., lie with you, talk dirty to you, stick a finger up your butt „ whatever „ for the 5 or 10 minutes it takes you to drain your sack.
IÍm writing to ask you to help me spread the word about an issue close to my heart. I am a 23-year-old woman without medical insurance who relies on Planned Parenthood. They have done SO MUCH for me. They have provided me with birth control, annual Pap smears that I can actually afford, and emotional support that helped me get over an abusive relationship and sexual assault.
The US House of Representatives passed a bill last week that would cut all federal funding for Planned Parenthood. This isnÍt just an attack on American women. Planned Parenthood educates the entire community about sexual health and sexually transmitted infections. I know I donÍt need to preach to you. I plan to write to my senators about this, and I am encouraging everyone I know to do so. What I ask is that you mention this in your column as soon as possible.
My Body, My Choice
Done and done, MBMC.
We used to have a regular feature at Savage Love called ñStraight Rights Watch.î It lapsed when the Democrats took the House in 2006 and political attacks on the sexual freedoms of straight people decreased. But the GOP is back in charge of the House and state houses across the country, and attacks on the sexual freedoms of heterosexuals „ attempts to ban abortion, restrict access to birth control, destroy Planned Parenthood (which doesnÍt just serve straight people), even make it legal to kill abortion providers (!!!) „ are back, and so, sadly, is Straight Rights Watch.
Hello? Heterosexuals? Your legislators need to hear from you, and they need to hear from you now. And thereÍs an easy way to make your voice heard: Go to www.istandwithplannedparenthood.org and add your name to an open letter to Congress, then swing over to www.plannedparenthood.org, click Donate, and give what you can.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MADISON, WISCONSIN: IÍve never been prouder of my connection to Madison than I am right now „ and, hey, donÍt let those lying bastards at Fox News get you down. To everyone else: Meet the people who are taking a stand at www.youtube.com/wethepeoplewisconsin.
Download the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.