by Gustavo Arellano
Dear Readers: Your faithful Mexican is putting the final touches to his coming magnum opus, Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America (out April 2012) and is thus at the rancho, getting handmade tortillas made by his chica in pigtails while I work on rewrites. But instead of a Best Of columna, I’ve decided to print excerpts from one of my all-time favorite reader interactions. Remember back in 2007, when I asked ustedes who are half-Mexican and half-something else to tell us what you call yourselves? The brilliant, hilarious responses offered show how genius the Mexi brain truly is. Space doesn’t allow your local rag to print all the responses, but below are just some of the best. You can find the full list online at http://wkly.ws/13k — in the meanwhile, enjoy and see you in una semana!
If you're half-Mexican and. . .
Half-Arab: Garbanzo beaner, America's worst nightmare.
Half-Australian: Aussican, Dingoles (say like frijoles), Fosters Especial, Mexi-roo, Ortegamite, Wallican.
Half-Black: Black beans, Blaxican, Bro-Vato, Choco-Taco, Choligger, Mack, Mexiblack, Mexicoon, Negrexican, HYPERLINK "http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Tino+Noir"Tino Noir, Watermexican, Wetblack
Half-British: Limey beans
Half-Cajun: Bayou Beaner, Mexi-Gumbo, Mexicajun, Red Beans & Rice.
Half-Chinese: Chexican, Chinacan, Chinkano, Combination Plate, Mexinese, rice 'n' beans, soy bean.
Half-Cornish: Cornish tortilla.
Half-Costa Rican: Mextica ("tico" is a nickname for Costa Ricans).
Half-Czech: Czecano, Czex-Mex, Czexican, Mexislovakian.
Half-Filipino: ChicaPina (for Chicana and Pinay, which is a Tagalog slang term for Filipina), Chilipino, Filixan, Filitino, Flipamex, Flippican, JalaPinoy, Mexipino
Half-Gabacho: Amerilanga (combination of American and chilanga, nickname for someone from Mexico City), Caucano, Chicangüera, Gabaxicano, GMC (Gringo-Mexico cross), Güerexican, Latinglo, Mexiglos, Mixican, Pochingo (half-pocho, half-gringo), Whispanic, white bean
Half-German: Beanerschnitzel, chili kraut, Germexican, wiener beaner
Half-Greek: Greexican, Grec-Mex, Mexi-eek (I never said all of the nicknames were clever).
Half-Guamanian:Chamexorro (HYPERLINK "http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Guam"Guam natives are called Chamorros), Guamexican.
Half-Guatemalan: Chapano (chapínis a nickname for Guatemalans), Guacamex.
Half-Hawaiian: Jalapiña, pineapple salsa.
Half-Indian (the India kind): Curry tamale
Half-Indian (the Indian kind): Apachichano, Cherocano, Cheyennexican, Commanchano, Mexiskin (half-Mexican, half-Redskin), Navacano, Navajole, Navajo Taco.
Half-Irish: Celtic Aztec, green bean, Irlandicanos, Leprecano, McBeaner, McSpic, HYPERLINK "http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Mick+Spic"Mick Spic, O'Beaner, Paddy-Mex.
Half-Italian: Mexican pizza, Mexitalian, Spicawop, Spic-talian, Wopsican
Half-Jamaican: Jamexican, Rastacan
Half-Japanese: Japanic, Mexanese
Half-Jewish: Jalapeño bagel, Jumex (also the name of a delicious Mexican fruit nectar drink), Kahlua-jewa, kosher burrito, Mexi-Jew
Half-Korean: Kimchicano, Kimchinero, Korexican, Mexirean.
Half-Lebanese: Lebxican, Mediterraxican, Mexiterranean (for those from the Mediterranean region in general).
Half-Lithuanian: Baltican, Baltic pepper, Lexican, Mexicainis, Mexiuanian.
Half-Michigander: Michicano, Mixicano
Half-Norwegian: Lutefiskan, Mexinorske, Norskecan
Half-Oklahomian: Chokies, Okie-Frijoles.
Half-Peruvian: Lima Bean
Half-Polish: Bean Pole, Polo-Cholo, Polexican, Polexiqui (this particular gal was Yaqui Indian on her Mexican side; she also called herself a Mexipolaqui), Taco Polaco.
Half-Portuguese: Mexi-guese, Pork and beans.
Half-Puerto Rican: Bori-Mex, Messyrican, Mexiricaña, MexiRican, Porto-Mex
Half-Redneck: Rednexican, HYPERLINK "http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Redback+Networks+Inc."Redback, Wetneck.
Half-Scottish: McRiguez, Scottsican
Half-HYPERLINK "http://www.ocweekly.com/related/to/Somalia"Somali: Hot Somali.
Half-Swiss: Swexican, Swexicano.
Half-Ukrainian: Borscheros, Cossackeros, Kievicans, Pysankeros.
Half-White: Honky-Tonk, Gringateca, Mejiyanqui, Mexi-melts, Whics
One guy calls his kids a mick-mock-mex: quarter-Irish, quarter-Jewish ("mock" was apparently a Jewish epithet) and half-Mexican. Someone who is part-Mexican, -Italian and -Polish calls themselves a Mexpotalian.
Other Latinos also joined the game. A half-Spanish, half-American called himself "spam," a Cuban Jew goes by Jewban, while a Peruvian from Minnesota describes herself as a Minneruvian. Meanwhile, a Puerto Rican from New York insisted thatdominicanos were half-Dominican, half-anus (ano is "anus" in Spanish). And a half-Indian, half-Jew wrote in at the last moment with his moniker: Gandhistein. But the final, wisest word goes to a full-blooded gabacho: How about an American, like all of us mutts?
Don't see your nickname? Email me, and I'll include it.