Did you know that turkeys are food? I think it is time for a wake-up call when it comes to individuals being scared of the food walking around town attacking them. Humans are apex predators that literally kill everything in our path. So next time you see a turkey attacking a small child, turn it into dinner. I am not kidding. Or, even better, people talk about wanting to feed the homeless; now is your time to act. You can save a child from being attacked by food and give that food to a person who needs it. This is double points toward being a good person. You can brag to your friends that you help children and the homeless with an awesome story of urban farming. When conservatives make fun of liberals, this is the actual real-life behavior that they mock. So kill a turkey and make a conservative respect you; they might even turn liberal after Donald Trump takes away their guns. The news about Eugene’s turkey problem has gone viral with people all over poking fun at our town, and I am also very amused. Wake up Eugene.