I’ve never been big into Valentine’s Day. Schools required us kids to bring cards for the rest of the class for the greeting-card-hijacked holiday, and finding the perfect WWE card to share for the class that reflected my professional-wrestling loving heart was tough. When high school hit, I noticed the gifts were getting grander — but the holiday favored the popular, pretty people.

Before this review gets out of hand and becomes a manifesto on the shattered dreams of my K-12 education, I’m going to start over. Eugene’s favorite super sugary doughnut company Voodoo Doughnut has a special line of Valentine’s Day and, after emailing them, they “Choo-Choo Chose” me to get a sneak peek into the lineup of holiday doughnuts that release Valentine’s Day weekend, Feb. 14 through 16.

Regardless of my feelings around this holiday, I take my doughnut reviewing seriously, so you better believe I tried a large bit of every single one — and my skyrocketing sugar rush is proof.

The Portland-based company has taken a twist on those hard candy hearts that sometimes threaten an innocent chomper with a chipped tooth. In the vein of those treacherous 50-cent candy hearts, each doughnut has a cute phrase on it. Eugene Weekly‘s doughnuts had “Txt Me,” “Occupy My <3,” “Eat Me” and “Wutz Up” written on them. These raised heart-shaped doughnuts are filled with Bavarian cream and are dipped in colored vanilla frosting.

These doughnuts are far superior to the candied hearts they emulate. The top is slathered in frosting and filled with cream. Sure, it’s incredibly sweet — so sweet that the filling almost tastes like a glass of milk in comparison to the sugary frosting — but that’s not a bad thing.

Voodoo also sent along some of its cake doughnuts dipped in vanilla frosting and a ton of Valentine’s Day sprinkles on it. Although Voodoo is known for its wild doughnut creations, these basic doughnuts are the sort of doughnuts they do best. The cake is moist and stayed fresh (even though I forgot to pick the doughnuts up for a few hours). And the sprinkle ratio is perfect. By perfect, I mean there are so many sprinkles, it’s got a crunch to it.

And Voodoo is really committing to the pinkness of Valentine’s Day: They dyed the frosting for the classic raised doughnut. The result wasn’t anything mind-blowing, but it was soft and pillowy — the sort of cloudiness that Heaven must be like.

Now, these doughnuts haven’t settled my beef with Valentine’s Day, but for a few sugar-crazed moments, I forgot all about the world’s ills.