• Eugene Weekly Loves You!
Share |


I am writing about a friend. By all appearances, he is straight. However, on more than one occasion, he has gotten drunk and tried to hook up with a transvestite or a person who could have been one. In one instance, he went to a club and was approached by a really masculine-seeming girl who proceeded to give him head. My friend, in his drunken state, reached into her pants and felt for a pussy only after she started giving him head.

The first “Alternatives” class at the Osher Lifetime Learning Institute (OLLI) began with our watching an informative TED talk by Richard Wilkinson on how economic inequality harms societies.

No more “Insider Baseball.” I’m not an insider any more, and my knees don’t allow for softball, much less baseball. But I continue to watch the Salem political game from afar; shoveling horse pucky here in the south hills of Lane County and reflecting on the days when horse pucky was my day job in the Legislature. 

According to the new city ordinance governing student parties, a lot of law-breaking can go on at these events: “Some of the typical offenses include obstruction of public streets, assault, menacing, harassment, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief.” And those are just the offenses committed by the police.

A PROGRAMMING NOTE: I hosted a live taping of the Savage Lovecast in Seattle on Valentine’s Day, and it went great—thanks to all who came (especially to the five boys who left with butt plugs in their butts)—but I made the mistake of having a drink or five afterward, and I’m so fucking hungover right now that I shouldn’t be sitting upright, much less giving advice. But deadlines are deadlines. So here we go…


Why do mosses and lichens fall out of the trees in winter? Close to the end of every year, clumps of moss and lichen appear around almost every oak and maple tree in town. These are the branch species, different from terrestrial mosses and lichens. It is most prominent in parks where the lawn hasn’t been mowed since late fall. For years I attributed the lichen rain to wind storms, but that never struck me as the whole story. A comment in the Mount Pisgah Arboretum newsletter by its caretaker made a light go on in my head.

At a recent City Club meeting, Oregon’s Chief Education Officer Rudy Crew passed up a great opportunity to peel his hands off a “cow” that’s sacred in some circles — opposition to school choice — and make current investments in public education work a little more efficiently.

The leaders of the Lane County Republican Party have chosen Michelle Malkin to be the keynote speaker for their annual Lincoln Day Dinner. Malkin has been dubbed “The Radical Right’s Asian Pitbull.” She once wrote a book defending our government’s internment of Japanese Americans in prison camps during World War II, and arguing for similar treatment  of Arab and Muslim Americans today. I’m not sure whether choosing Malkin as the LCRP’s keynote speaker was greeted more gleefully by local Republicans or Democrats.

I’m a 37-year-old single father with a 14-year-old son. I’ve raised him on my own basically since birth, with help from some good friends and nearby family. Overall he’s a good kid: gets decent grades, rarely gets in trouble. Our relationship isn’t perfect — I work a lot and he’s a teenager, but no major issues. Over the past year, however, I have become increasingly convinced that he is gay.

A “no-kill” shelter is run by staff that consistently demonstrates passion for saving the lives of all adoptable and treatable animals. “Kill” shelter managers save some animals, and try to justify to their employees and community why they can’t save them all. In fact, they can.

If you’re a hunter who goes into the woods in order to put food on your family’s table, you can relax. Government agents won’t be coming around trying to confiscate your rifle – unless you hunt out of season or without any required licenses.

A poll of county residents showed that 51 percent would vote for a tax increase to fund more jail beds. My guess is that that number would go to 71 percent if some of the money could be used to pay developers not to build any more student housing.  

I’m a 27-year-old man in a two-year relationship with a 26-year-old woman. My last partner cheated and lied and did some unforgivable things. I wasn’t blameless — I stayed with her long after I realized it wasn’t working — but our relationship did unearth a kink. After I found out about her cheating, I got extremely turned on thinking about it. I never told her.

I want to violate the American taboo on socialism in response to the Weekly’s Jan. 17 Slant column that asks are we really listening to Martin Luther King Jr.’s message. “If so, why the growing disparity between rich and poor?”

After sending an embarrassing proposal to the county commissioners, their director of human resources got back a memo, I’m guessing, that read something like this:

“Your proposal to give a double-digit salary increase to the county administrator and to the county counsel — which was reported in the paper just as we were about to hold public hearings on the need for a tax increase — is not helpful. Get on the team, Madilyn. You’re not working for Karl Rove … are you?” 

The tents are back. Set up by SLEEPS (Safe Legally Entitled Emergency Places to Sleep), the tents are reminders of two basic biological needs: the need for shelter and for sleep. These needs go with being human, and they are denied to the unhoused in our city.

I’ve been a fan of your Savage Lovecast for a long time, but I had to write after hearing Marty Klein’s awesome talk about the fallacy of “sex addiction.” I am 27, and for most of my adult life, I have suffered from complete sexual dysfunction with partners. I was ashamed and thought I was too sexually screwed up to be with a partner because I’m kinky.

As the fight over genetically modified canola and other GM crops escalates in the Willamette Valley, a group of farmers and neighbors in Benton County have spent the past year talking about how to stop GMOs.

The best way to win any debate is to define the debate topic and establish the rules to be followed. The firearms industry and its lobbyist organization, the NRA, are working 24/7 to do just that.

Don’t you think that the way Chip Kelly darted from the Ducks to the Eagles makes him look flighty?

A friend of mine on the opposite coast is a crossdresser considering transitioning. He came out to a female friend he had known for a long time but hadn’t seen in a while, and she told her that she wanted her to come to her house fully dressed for some hot sex to “explore her bi-curiosity” or some shit. I told her to go for it, saying gender-transgression play is potentially hot. I neglected to mention that she should only go for it if she trusted this girl (hereafter known as “Evil Bitch”).

I keep hearing the question, “Why are farmers so worried about canola?” For the last seven months I’ve studied the topic, spoken with diverse farmers, read books on seed-saving and vegetable development, and researched canola. Here’s what I’ve learned and what you should know.

More guns are not a solution to gun violence. They may, of course, be a solution to overpopulation.

The doorbell rang. I was grating an organic beet for our dinner salad, which we’d have as soon as Wifey got home from yoga. Ding-dong. A quick rinse swirled magenta beet juice down the sink.