DEAR READERS: I’m off this week. To tide all of your hot and/or kinky and/or sore asses over, here’s a column I wrote 15 years ago. Some newer readers might’ve missed this column when it originally appeared — some of you who were still in grade school, diapers, or amniotic sacs back in 1998 — so I’m rerunning it now because I still get questions about “gerbiling” on a daily basis. — Dan
When we did PERS reform in 2003, we didn’t attach it to the budget as severely as you’re seeing in this 2013 version of the Hot Air Society. It’s stunning to see both parties and two branches of state government simultaneously tying the funding of education, public safety and human services so tightly to one target.
I’m an actor in New York City. A lot of people think actors are whores, but last week I almost became one. I responded to a casting call for a film project called Sniff. The ad — on Playbill’s website — called for two male actors to film a short scene. The pay was $100 for a day’s work. I was e-mailed the scene to study. It starts with two male roommates chatting on a couch. The bigger, more muscular roommate confronts the smaller, scrawnier roommate about his obsession with socks.
Watching ducks on the Delta Ponds keeps me entertained. Shovelers continue their circle dances this month, the males trying to pair bond before heading north in April for nesting season. You still have time to experience this courtship ritual unless you choose the rare sunny morning when they line up on a log to bask in the warm rays.
A play celebrating the life of Paul Robeson March 8 and 10 at the Lane Community College main campus will benefit the LCC Black Student Union (BSU) scholarship fund. Dr. Stanley Coleman, a director and actor now on the faculty at LCC, plays Paul Robeson in the one-man Broadway play by Phillip Hays Dean.
My girlfriend and I read your column religiously, and I have you to thank for being comfortable enough with my kinks to tell her about my interest in BDSM. She is very GGG and has indulged all my kinky fantasies and discovered some of her own. Our latest adventure has her locking up my dick in a CB-6000 male chastity device. The play/sex has been super-fun so far, but we want to be aware of any health and safety concerns, specifically damage to my penis. We’ve had the device for almost a week, and I’ve been doing a ton of research.
Everyone knows Salem is the official site of the Hot Air Society, and currently all 90 members, both chambers, meet at the state Capitol building. However, Eugene has its own version, called HASSLES, the Hot Air Society of South Lane, Eugene and Springfield.
I am writing about a friend. By all appearances, he is straight. However, on more than one occasion, he has gotten drunk and tried to hook up with a transvestite or a person who could have been one. In one instance, he went to a club and was approached by a really masculine-seeming girl who proceeded to give him head. My friend, in his drunken state, reached into her pants and felt for a pussy only after she started giving him head.
No more “Insider Baseball.” I’m not an insider any more, and my knees don’t allow for softball, much less baseball. But I continue to watch the Salem political game from afar; shoveling horse pucky here in the south hills of Lane County and reflecting on the days when horse pucky was my day job in the Legislature.
According to the new city ordinance governing student parties, a lot of law-breaking can go on at these events: “Some of the typical offenses include obstruction of public streets, assault, menacing, harassment, disorderly conduct and criminal mischief.” And those are just the offenses committed by the police.
A PROGRAMMING NOTE: I hosted a live taping of the Savage Lovecast in Seattle on Valentine’s Day, and it went great—thanks to all who came (especially to the five boys who left with butt plugs in their butts)—but I made the mistake of having a drink or five afterward, and I’m so fucking hungover right now that I shouldn’t be sitting upright, much less giving advice. But deadlines are deadlines. So here we go…
Why do mosses and lichens fall out of the trees in winter? Close to the end of every year, clumps of moss and lichen appear around almost every oak and maple tree in town. These are the branch species, different from terrestrial mosses and lichens. It is most prominent in parks where the lawn hasn’t been mowed since late fall. For years I attributed the lichen rain to wind storms, but that never struck me as the whole story. A comment in the Mount Pisgah Arboretum newsletter by its caretaker made a light go on in my head.
At a recent City Club meeting, Oregon’s Chief Education Officer Rudy Crew passed up a great opportunity to peel his hands off a “cow” that’s sacred in some circles — opposition to school choice — and make current investments in public education work a little more efficiently.
The leaders of the Lane County Republican Party have chosen Michelle Malkin to be the keynote speaker for their annual Lincoln Day Dinner. Malkin has been dubbed “The Radical Right’s Asian Pitbull.” She once wrote a book defending our government’s internment of Japanese Americans in prison camps during World War II, and arguing for similar treatment of Arab and Muslim Americans today. I’m not sure whether choosing Malkin as the LCRP’s keynote speaker was greeted more gleefully by local Republicans or Democrats.
I’m a 37-year-old single father with a 14-year-old son. I’ve raised him on my own basically since birth, with help from some good friends and nearby family. Overall he’s a good kid: gets decent grades, rarely gets in trouble. Our relationship isn’t perfect — I work a lot and he’s a teenager, but no major issues. Over the past year, however, I have become increasingly convinced that he is gay.
A “no-kill” shelter is run by staff that consistently demonstrates passion for saving the lives of all adoptable and treatable animals. “Kill” shelter managers save some animals, and try to justify to their employees and community why they can’t save them all. In fact, they can.
If you’re a hunter who goes into the woods in order to put food on your family’s table, you can relax. Government agents won’t be coming around trying to confiscate your rifle – unless you hunt out of season or without any required licenses.
A poll of county residents showed that 51 percent would vote for a tax increase to fund more jail beds. My guess is that that number would go to 71 percent if some of the money could be used to pay developers not to build any more student housing.
I’m a 27-year-old man in a two-year relationship with a 26-year-old woman. My last partner cheated and lied and did some unforgivable things. I wasn’t blameless — I stayed with her long after I realized it wasn’t working — but our relationship did unearth a kink. After I found out about her cheating, I got extremely turned on thinking about it. I never told her.
I want to violate the American taboo on socialism in response to the Weekly’s Jan. 17 Slant column that asks are we really listening to Martin Luther King Jr.’s message. “If so, why the growing disparity between rich and poor?”
After sending an embarrassing proposal to the county commissioners, their director of human resources got back a memo, I’m guessing, that read something like this:
“Your proposal to give a double-digit salary increase to the county administrator and to the county counsel — which was reported in the paper just as we were about to hold public hearings on the need for a tax increase — is not helpful. Get on the team, Madilyn. You’re not working for Karl Rove … are you?”