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Local Comic Takes on the Eclipse

A public Facebook note by local comedian and writer Leigh Anne Jasheway has been getting posted and reposted — sometimes uncredited — and getting lots of laughs for its take on the coming eclipse.

The piece starts off: 

Word is that three-quarters of the entire population of Earth plans to arrive in Oregon during the fourth week in August in order to get a good seat for the solar eclipse. We native Oregonians (defined as “people who moved here at least 10 years ago”) are not thrilled with the idea of sharing our wide open spaces with people whose primary experiences with the outdoors have been limited to hailing a cab or running quickly from a raccoon while taking out the trash.

In order to make sure you don’t tick off the residents of the Beaver State (oh, stop it! What are you, still in 7th grade?), here are some things you should know before arriving:

• Spots in state parks are booked up three years in advance even in non-solar-eclipse years, so no amount of whining is going to change that. A better option is to pay an Oregonian a small fortune to rent a spot in their yard. If you check Craigslist (yes, we do have Craigslist out here; thanks for asking), you’ll find lots of us who are willing to put up with your shenanigans for one or two nights for a couple thousand dollars. We have mortgages on our weed dispensaries to pay.

• On the west side of the Cascade Mountains, you’ll find more hippies than rednecks. On the east side, the reverse is true. Do NOT get this confused.

• Our motto is, “She flies with her own wings.” Our governor is a woman. Our attorney general is a woman. Leave your sexist t-shirts and ball caps at home. Oregon women aren’t shy about telling you to shut your trap. Also, many of us have chainsaws.

• Whatever you bring into our state, take it back with you when you’re gone. Don’t leave garbage or unwanted members of your family behind. While we have great animal rescue programs, they will not take your in-laws.

For the full post go to Jasheway's Facebook page here.