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EW! A Blog.

March 28, 2008 12:55 PM

Lately, I've developed a knack for opening books to random pages and finding upon those pages sentences which, taken out of context, are truly funny. OK, so maybe a two-time occurrence isn't quite a knack. And it's entirely possible that only Suzi and I find these things funny. But I'm going to practice this apparent talent (my boyfriend has a variation of this talent; he can open to the smut in any given title) and see if I can't keep coming across delicious things like these:

"Have you ever fucked a Bulgarian?"

— from Tom Perrotta's pretty excellent The Abstinence Teacher
(Confession: The first Bulgarian that came to mind as I read this was Viktor Krum. I ... yeah. Not sure how I feel about that.)

"The forces of the status quo don't want this reading!" she announced through a blare of feedback.

— from Andrew Foster Altschul's just-arrived-and-thus-as-yet-unread-by-me Lady Lazarus, which has such over-the-top flap copy it begs to be read aloud. (A snippet: "Together they chronicle her story, from her silent childhood to her first tortured public statements about her father; from her publication of a wildly popular book of poetry to her mysterious disappearance; from her return as the mute leader of a cultlike brigade known as The Muse to her last, terrifying crusade." Phew.)

Anyway, I know there are others out there with this talent. Please, open your books at random (no, this isn't that blog meme involving the 17th line on the 123rd page of the third book on seventh shelf on your smallest bookshelf) and tell me what you find! Rejoice in the random!

(I can't tell if I need more or less coffee...)

March 25, 2008 12:27 PM

True Story*: Several (OK, six) years ago when I was still living in New York, I went out a couple of times with a fellow who knew another Molly. Yeah, that one. The Ringwald. This was a source of awe and wonder, of course, but I tried not to bring it up; that would be, like, dorky of me. Still, there came an evening when this fellow called me from a party at That Molly's house. There is no post-teenage shock like seeing RINGWALD, MOLLY on your caller ID. Did I take a picture? You bet your DVD of The Breakfast Club I did. Molly Ringwald wasn't just the face of the teenagers a few years older than me; she was someone who made being a Molly cool back before it became the sort of name I hear yelled in the supermarket once a month. Now, I'm just as inclined to admire the source of this name of mine, the brilliant Molly Haskell.

But I digress. Point is, there's a great, if fluffy (in a good way) story about the Hughes Effect that you might want to read when you've got a few minutes. And don't miss the slideshow. I can't believe they didn't mention Cameron — er, I mean, Alan Ruck — in his tiny but awesome role in Star Trek: Generations!

* Don't forget: You must read this in Jon from The Real World: Los Angeles fashion! "TAAH-ROOO STORE-AY!"

March 19, 2008 03:07 PM

Edgar Wright makes awesome movies. Perhaps his name sounds familiar from such films as Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz? If not, please familiarize yourself with said films as soon as humanly possible. While you're at it, you may want to check out all three seasons of Arrested Development, one of the best half-hour comedies ever to grace television. Pay special attention to Michael Cera, who ever so winningly plays the young George Michael Bluth. Isn't he charming? And funny? Wasn't he fantastic in Superbad? Won't he make this fall's Nick and Norah's Ultimate Playlist even better than the sometimes trying-too-hard, over-adored novel?

As we all know from those Reese's commercials, sometimes two great tastes go great together. And it seems it's time for these two great tastes to meld when Wright directs Cera in an adaptation of Brian Lee O'Malley's freaking fantastic Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life. This awesome comic is about a guy who meets the girl of his dreams — but discovers he has to defeat her evil ex-boyfriends. (While you're at it, check out O'Malley's Lost at Sea, which is super cool but not, as far as I know, named after a song by Plumtree, which is a funny little fact about Scott Pilgrim that I just now learned).

This is a downright dreamy combination. And, just for the hell of it and since I'm talking about movies based on comic books, how awesome does Hellboy II look? And how cool is the (probably not that new, but I just discovered it yesterday) preview function on Netflix? All the teensy movies that never come here (or that I miss) and that I add to my queue, only to avoid actually getting for months — suddenly, their charms are all the more apparent! Fantastic!

Edited to add: Bryan Lee O'Malley has a few words for us over-enthusiastic internet-reading comics-junkies on his blog. Guilty as charged, Mr. O'Malley. And still really excited.

March 13, 2008 02:55 PM

Three things to brighten a certain kind of person's Thursday:

1. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows to be made into two movies. OK, yes, this is yesterday's news. But it's still fantastic news; if only they'd taken that path around, say, the last film (Order of the Phoenix). Lots of talk about how it serves the story and not the bottom line is floating about, which raises my bullshit flags a little bit, but frankly, I don't care; I just want the movie(s) not to suck.

2. The possibility of the sequels to The Golden Compass getting made is ... still a possibility. As Variety reports, the film "is on course to make box office history as the first film to gross $300 million in foreign while failing to reach $100 million in North America." The film's producer, Deborah Forte, "won't give up the fight," and is quoted as saying, "I will make 'The Subtle Knife' and 'The Amber Spyglass.'"

As disappointed as I was in Compass, I still hope the sequels get made. And not just because it's more exposure for the fantastic Philip Pullman.

3. From USA Today comes this story: "Rapier Wit: Western Martial Arts tradition enjoys a renaissance." Why is it relevant locally? Because Northwest Academy of Arms' Maestro Sean Hayes is quoted in the story. (I admit to thinking this is extra cool because I take Maestro Hayes' fencing class, as does my colleague Chuck Adams.)

And with that, I have just one thing left to say for the day: Go Ducks!

March 8, 2008 02:10 PM

Eastside alternative elementary parents who have strongly opposed a merger with the poorer and browner Harris neighborhood elementary have verbally "beat up" their own teachers to the point where half may no longer want to work at the school, according to 4J Superintendent George Russell.

"I worry now how Eastside can be Eastside if half or more of the teachers are deciding they don't want to be Eastside," Russell said at a school board meeting today, March 8.

"It's not right for the teachers to get beat up by parents," Russell said of the Eastside teachers who have supported talking with Harris teachers about a merger or some other collaborative hybrid. Harris is 67 percent free and reduced lunch (FRL) and 25 percent Latino while Eastside is 5 percent FRL and 1 percent Latino.

Russell said given the opposition of Eastside parents to a merger with Harris, he may want to close both schools. "Probably the way I feel now, I'd make a recommendation to close them both."

Several school board members shared Russell's dismay at the parents at Eastside, one of the whitest and wealthiest schools in the entire state. "I was disheartened by what I heard from the parents of Eastside," said board member Alicia Hays. "I don't think Eastside is viable because I don't think they are going to be able to diversify."

"To the extent there is an exodus of teachers, that suggests to me a viability question," said board member Craig Smith. The merger/collaboration offered Eastside parents the opportunity to show their "good faith" commitment to diversify, Smith said. "What we're hearing is they don't want to do that."

Russell said that some Eastside and Harris teachers are talking about another meeting on Tuesday to further discuss mixing the two schools. Some board members said they would like Russell to meet with the teachers to see if the merger still has any chance of success.

Board member Yvette Webber-Davis said, "I think there is at least some sentiment on the board for trying to give Eastside and Harris a chance."

March 8, 2008 12:52 PM

Just how far are some people willing to go to keep driving their SUVs?
Check out this (hopefully tongue in cheek) video of techo fixes for global warming.

Wacky? The New York Times reported last year that most scientists and governmnt agencies used to think so,
"But now, in a major reversal, some of the world's most prominent scientists say the proposals deserve a serious look because of growing concerns about global warming."

Hmmm. Sounds like another video. What was it called? Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying about SUVs and Love the Bomb:

March 6, 2008 10:31 AM

Volunteers in Portland have been chalking the names of U.S. and coalition soldiers killed in the Iraq war on sidewalks across the city. Artist Nancy Hiss began the project last May and has drawn more than 4,000 names with the help of passers by. She has about 300 names to go.

A list of civilians would require a lot more volunteers and sidewalks. Iraqbodycount.org estmates that the U.S. invasion has resulted in more than 80,000 civilians killed.

If anyone wants try try this in Eugene, you'd need to write names all the way down one side of Willamette Street from downtown to 29th Street and then back down the other side, assuming about four feet per name. Include the civilian deaths, and you'd need to chalk names from Eugene to Salem.

March 4, 2008 12:11 AM

Oh, lord. I wrote a whole blog. And then I hit preview. And then I forgot to post. I'm too tired. In short:

1. Ninkasi now comes in bottles! And the Mercury blogged it first. Good for them. I thoroughly enjoyed drinking some Believer while watching the Ducks squeak past OSU on Sunday. And I wondered aloud whether they might be among the first breweries to include their MySpace page on their labels...

2. Last week, Suzi sent me a link to a story in The New York Times about a memoir by a writer who lives in Eugene. This was interesting, but annoying, because while I'd gotten the book, neither the book flap nor the press materials had mentioned this fact. Well, as it turns out, it was sort of irrelevant, because "none of it is true":

Margaret B. Jones is a pseudonym for Margaret Seltzer, who is all white and grew up in the well-to-do Sherman Oaks section of Los Angeles, in the San Fernando Valley, with her biological family. She graduated from the Campbell Hall School, a private Episcopal day school in the North Hollywood neighborhood. She has never lived with a foster family, nor did she run drugs for any gang members. Nor did she graduate from the University of Oregon, as she had claimed.

All I can do here is sigh.

3. Someone will doubtless think I'm gloating, but I seriously think it's awesome that my counterpart (and friend) over at the R-G wound up in the New Yorker's Correction of the Week. I love it even more because when I read the press release in question, I saw it the same way. As Randy Stapilus notes in his quote from the magazine,

< blockquote >An item about a Thursday event at Diablo’s featuring four women DJs on Page 8 of Friday’s edition incorrectly identified DJ KaatScratch as transgendered. She describes herself musically as ‘transgenred.’”

Three cheers to the most entertaining misreads being noticed by the whole world out there.

Now? Sleep.

February 29, 2008 11:35 AM

Looks like the UO has become the national poster child for vulgar sports fans. A "Over the Top" Feb. 26 article in Sports Illustrated leads with the example of the UO:

"Kevin Love knew it would be bad. But not this bad. Sure, he'd chosen UCLA over Oregon after being the consensus national player of the year as a senior at Lake Oswego (Ore.) High -- but what happened to his home state's rep for peace, love and understanding? On Jan. 23, the day before the ­Bruins-Ducks showdown in Eugene, Love found more than 30 voice-mail messages on his cellphone when UCLA stopped for a layover in San Francisco. He listened to the first one: If you guys win, we'll come to your house and kill your family. He played another: We'll find your hotel room and blow your f------ head off with a shotgun. He ­didn't bother to check the rest. 'I mean, these were death threats,' Love says."

Death threats are usually serious crimes. Maybe the authorities should take some of the zeal they use to track down campus music pirates and check some phone company records?

February 27, 2008 12:37 PM

Is it better for global warming to read a newspaper online or in the dead tree edition?

Considering the electricity required to power computers on both ends of the internet, a Swedish study says it may be about the same.

"It should be noted that with a reading time of 30 minutes per day the environmental impact of the web based newspaper was often in the same range as the printed newspaper environmental impact, sometimes higher sometimes lower. The same result was presented by Hischier and Reichart (2001) in their comparison between printed newspaper, television and internet. Hischier and Reichart showed that using the Internet for around 25 minutes or watching the television for roughly 1.5 hours gave environmental impact of similar magnitude as a printed newspaper."

The 2007 report from the Centre for Sustainable Communications at the Royal Institute of Technology in Stockholm does say that mass use of more energy efficient readers now in development could change the environmental equation in favor of the internet.

The Swedish report could be biased by the nation's large pulp industry. Of course newspapers also have a strong bias. They haven't figured out how to make much money on the internet and without the dead tree editions, they'd go bankrupt. That could save a lot of trees falling in the forest. But, then again, if no one was around to report on it, who would hear about it?

February 26, 2008 09:25 AM

Everyone on the internet thinks everyone else on the internet has already seen these videos. HOWEVER, it's possible there are still people who are not aware that Sarah Silverman is f*cking (please note: only in this sort of instance will I ever fake swear) Matt Damon, and Jimmy Kimmel, well, you'll just have to see what he's been getting up to in return.

It starts with this:

Poor Jimmy! Also, I began to heart Matt Damon after I was done wiping tears of laughter from my eyes. The boy is funny! Who knew?

But Jimmy, of course, is not to be outdone. It took a little while for him to find the best way to get back at both Sarah ... and Matt:

This is what the internets is for.

* This is a joke. Clearly the best thing Affleck and Damon have done since Good Will Hunting is Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. **

** This is also a joke.

February 25, 2008 04:48 PM

Full City on 13th and Pearl, circa 4 pm Monday, February 25. You: Curly-haired fellow with a Mac laptop, a gold fanny pack and a scowl. Us: One arts editor seeking an intern and one college student seeking an internship, both chatting incessantly and over-caffeinatedly about all manner of faintly internship-related things. What that embarrassed smile I directed at you on the way out meant: Sorry, dude! I could see your scowls but she couldn't. We both felt really bad when you moved to get away from us.

xo,
The Noisemakers

February 22, 2008 03:20 PM

Hmmm, old Republican white guy runs for President and turns out very horny. If this sounds familiar to you, down boy, you're not the only one:

February 19, 2008 09:18 PM

District Attorney Doug Harcleroad has dismissed Eugene Police Sergeant Ron Swanson’s criminal allegation against independent Police Auditor Cristina Beamud.

"That’s good news," said Mayor Kitty Piercy, responding to a letter from Harcleroad at tonight’s City Council meeting. "He has concluded there is no evidence of any violation."