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Living Out

February 9, 2017

I arranged the covers in front of my face to block out the red, blue and green lights on the various machines monitoring Wifey’s vitals. Creating this tiny dark space, I managed to get at least a little sleep during the incessantly interrupted post-knee-replacement surgery nights. 

November 23, 2016

Each year in November I’ve come to expect

That I’ll stop and take time to tune in and reflect

On the myriad reasons I’m grateful this year

And give thanks for how lucky I am to be here


I note my good fortune of being alive

With all of the basics one needs to survive

Clean water and air, a safe home and good food

Plus someone to cuddle when I’m in the mood


I wake up each day in a comfortable bed

With a wife and two cats (who would like to be fed)

October 6, 2016

National Coming Out Day is a great time to come out, whether for the first or umpteenth time. It’s a day to remember the importance of being open about your true lesbian, gay, bi, trans, queer, questioning, intersex, polyamorous, pansexual, asexual, two-spirit, nonbinary, genderfluid, agender or otherwise beyond-the-old-norm self. 

August 11, 2016

Because of Orlando.

Because just yesterday I reverted and referred to my wife as “my partner.” 

Because my gay friend’s 70-year-old lesbian sister has yet to come out of the closet.

Because lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people are the most likely           targets of hate crimes.

Because Skye Mockabee, 26, found dead in a parking lot in Cleveland, Ohio, July 30 is the 17th transgender woman of color murdered in the U.S. this year. 

April 14, 2016

Off a major thoroughfare, the freshly painted storefront sits at one end of a well-lit parking lot, next door to a busy Dari Mart. A graying couple exits their parked Corolla, license plate registration sticker current. They hold hands, gold wedding bands glinting, as they cross the tarmac and push open the lobby door. They’re greeted by a friendly receptionist and ushered into the sales room.

December 31, 2015

New Year’s resolutions come and go and come back around again. I can’t even count how many times I’ve vowed to improve my eating, exercise and money management habits. Oh, I’ve made progress — I’m gluten free, walking daily and out of debt — for now, anyway. There’s always room for backsliding. So I guess those same old resolutions will be with me (and most other New Year’s resolution makers) again for 2016. Boring, right?

November 25, 2015

Once again, at this time in the month of November

In the mood of Thanksgiving I stop and remember

To offer my thanks for the good things in life 

Like my health and my freedom, my cat and my wife


I’m thankful of course for the freedom to marry

Which we won back in June — by one vote (kinda scary)

The judges supreme made it clear, five to four

That we can’t deny people this right anymore


There’s still some resistance, just look at Kim Davis

October 8, 2015

Hello everyone. Attention please. Important announcement: In honor of Sunday, Oct. 11, being the 27th annual National Coming Out Day, I’d like to inform you that I am — hold onto your hat — definitely a lesbian.

August 6, 2015

I’m proud of my peeps. You know who I mean, all of us who are lesbian/ gay/ bi/ trans/ intersex/ two-spirit/ asexual/ pansexual/ queer/ questioning and allies who have been living, working and fighting for our full equal rights and the freedom to — don’t be shocked by this — be ourselves.

July 2, 2015

June 26, 2015, 6:30 am. I drift into wakefulness, my darling Wifey asleep beside me, the window air conditioner whirring in its valiant effort to keep our bedroom cool overnight. The cats are still curled up, too early even for their breakfast yowling.

April 30, 2015

We could be electing a feminist president, a champion for women — totally awesome! But we’d better brace ourselves. With Hillary Clinton as the presumptive Democratic candidate, we’re barreling into an 18-month spin cycle of hateful hype. 

I’m not talking about our reasonable objections to her stance on climate, fracking, GMOs, Wall Street, foreign policy and real stuff like that. Of course we should be challenging her and pushing her toward greener and more peaceful policies. 

April 16, 2015

Whatcha doing on Tuesday, April 28? I’ll pause here for however many thumb taps, finger swipes or page flicks it takes to check your calendar. Nothing? No idea what’s happening that date? Any guesses?

No, it’s not the launch date for Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda’s new sitcom, which doesn’t premier on Netflix until May 8. Awesome, and worth noting in your date book, but not the correct answer.

December 24, 2014

For people like me who are Jewish and queer

It’s especially hard at this time of the year

When gentiles assume that we all are alike

Like straight folks ignore that you’re really a dyke


When people around you are into a thing

That makes them rejoice, get nostalgic and sing

And all the whole time, it’s a thing that’s not yours

And YOUR thing’s a thing everybody ignores


Or else they just act like both things are the same

November 26, 2014

Each year at this time in the month of November

I like to take stock, settle back and remember

The good things in life, all the stuff I hold dear

So I stop to say “Thanks!” as Thanksgiving draws near


I know being grateful is good for my soul

So today I say thanks for my cereal bowl

Which I found at Goodwill for just 99 cents

A very affordable household expense


I give thanks for this bowl of organic granola

And try not to fret too much over Ebola

October 9, 2014

When was the last time you went to the movies and felt like the picture validated lesbian existence? So rare, right?

I’ve learned not to expect any affirmation of my sexual orientation from the motion picture industry. When I venture beyond the comfort and homophobia-free haven of home to go to the cinema, I brace myself for the onslaught of sexist heterosexuality and male fantasy, which, let’s face it, is pretty much the imagination span of most films out there. 

August 6, 2014

Marriage apartheid’s over in our state (woo hoo!) so there’s no reason to continue referring to my lawfully wedded wife as “my partner.” I should call her “my wife,” but I still catch myself saying “partner.” I did it just the other day when I was explaining why I needed my laptop screen replaced and told the tech guy that my partner stepped on it. I gauged the situation in that second-nature queer safety-check thing we do, and added, “She feels pretty bad about it.” 

May 29, 2014

But is it enough? A group of Oregon’s anti-gay Christians, going by the catchy name “Friends of Religious Liberty” (an offshoot of the homo-hating Oregon Family Council) want more freedom than that. They want their very own special freedom — the freedom to discriminate.

April 17, 2014

We’ve been at this equality and justice thing for a long time now. Seems like we should start prepping for our “Mission Accomplished” photo op. We’ve come so far.

But nope. Sorry. We’re not there yet. 

November 27, 2013

My custom each year in this month of November

Is taking time out to reflect and remember

To treasure my blessings, to offer my thanks

For the good things in life, such as not wearing Spanx

No need to contain, or squeeze in, or shape up

And my breasts do not have to live inside a cup

I’m thankful that most of the time I can be

Relaxed and at large, or in other words FREE

My body is fine as it is, I have learned

Though calories eaten exceed those I’ve burned

October 31, 2013

If life were fair, county commissioners who handed the taxpayers a redacted investigative report would get back a redacted paycheck.

October 3, 2013

Gotta hand it to the IRS. I don’t mean literally hand over your owed taxes — although unless you’re a valiant anti-war tax-resister doing civil disobedience, you probably should pay up, especially now that Obama is closing loopholes on tax-avoiding fat cats (no offense to felines of size). I’m saying hand some figurative credit to the Internal Revenue Service for growing a pair (that means ovaries, right?) and taking a stand for justice.

August 29, 2013

Every lesbian has a story. Not just the very few of us like Ellen and Wanda who have risen to actual stardom, but every one of us regular lesbos who has come out, bucked the patriarchy by being herself and continued to thrive in this male-dominated, misogynist world. We are so totally AWESOME!

In case anyone ever starts inducting us everyday dykes into some future Lesbian Hall of Fame, I want to get my application in. 

June 20, 2013

Homo headlines are popping. On the global scene, marriage equality now reigns in 14 countries. This spring New Zealand amended its Marriage Act, Brazil gave the green light to same-sex marriage, and France passed marriage equality, including equal adoption rights. The first to marry under France’s new law, Vincent and Bruno, exchanged vows and rings last week. Let’s hear it for liberté, égalité, fraternité! (Et sororité, for un peu more égalité.)

March 21, 2013

The last time you tried to explain why you support marriage equality, did you mention civil rights? Justice? Equal access to benefits? Did you call it “gay marriage?”

Wrong, wrong, wrong and waay wrong! Who knew?

I always thought the “liberty and justice for all” argument was a pretty good one. I mean our Constitution does guarantee equal justice under the law. But we can talk about equal rights and justice till we’re lavender-blue in the face — it just turns people off. At least the still-undecided voters. Dang.