December 18, 2014 12:00 AM
We just did a live taping of the Savage Lovecast at Seattle’s Neptune Theatre. Audience members submitted more questions—anonymously, on index cards—than we could possibly answer during the Q&A segment of the show. So I’m answering some of the questions we didn’t get to in this week’s column. Here we go:
My partner wants me to pee on him. I’m not so into it. Now what? Should I do the “one and done” thing or put it on the big “no way” list?
December 4, 2014 12:00 AM
I have been insecure about the way my vagina looks for as long as I can remember. When I was young, I would fantasize about the day I would grow pubic hair long enough to cover its unsightliness. That day never came, and I was left with an enormous insecurity about it. My labia minora is oversize quite a bit. I know that this is not uncommon, but its unattractiveness holds me back from receiving oral sex. I don’t even let my long-term boyfriend go down on me because I’m afraid he’ll think it’s gross and ugly.
November 26, 2014 12:00 AM
I am a bi male in my early 20s who until recently was in the closet. I have been exploring my sexuality for the past year, and I didn’t want to label myself and open a Pandora’s box of oppression in the American South before I knew who I was for sure. I learned through my exploration that I have a few kinks and I have been acting on those kinks, seeing what I am and am not into. I may have been too trusting, because someone I interacted with decided that he was having none of me.
November 20, 2014 12:00 AM
I am a 30-year-old trans guy, on T since college, happy and comfortable with my sexuality. However, I can’t find any helpful health info on a fetish I’ve developed: I insert needles directly into my clit, maybe an inch and a half in. I’m not talking through it, like a piercing, but into it, going in at the head and moving down into the shaft.
November 13, 2014 12:00 AM
I’m a pretty quiet Midwestern woman currently wracked by a guilty Catholic conscience. My last boyfriend and I were in an open, long-distance relationship. We were together for a year and a half, and things were great fun. We considered each other our primary partners, but I met his other partners and felt fine about most of them, and I got to have some fun playtime back in my own city. Then I finished grad school and wanted to talk about moving to his city. He simply refused to have that conversation, and we broke up.
November 6, 2014 12:00 AM
Is this even Dan? Probably not, probably an assistant, but maybe this will eventually get to him. I have a spanking fetish. I love to be spanked. I live in Oakland, California, so San Francisco is 10 minutes away. Seems like I’m in one of the best places in the country to have a kink, but I’m having a hard time figuring out where I can find a spanking community. I know there are BDSM clubs, but is there another way I can connect with spanking people? Any suggestions or resources?
October 30, 2014 12:00 AM
My son is 15 going on 16, and he’s been experimenting with masturbation. At the moment, I pretty much just think fine, whatever, he’s a teenager, there’s very little I can do about it. So long as he doesn’t get porn-obsessed and start letting his grades slip, it’s fine. The issue is that, a few months ago, his younger sister found one of her tampons in the garbage, and it was covered with poop.
October 23, 2014 12:00 AM
I’m a twentysomething married trans guy in an openish marriage. In the online hunt for a guy to have some aboveboard, under-the-sheets fun with, I run into snags because I’m trans (I disclose on my profile) and because I’m married. I’m baby-stepping my way toward an offline search for guys, going to events hosted by the local gay pride center. I’ve been thinking of not wearing my wedding ring at these meet-ups, as I worry it says I’m taken and off-limits.
October 16, 2014 12:00 AM
Four years ago, I met a man on a “married but looking” website. We exchanged fantasies, which included wanting to have threesomes and a D/s relationship. He was 19 years my senior. I was 42 at the time. For three years, we met twice a week for drinks or sex. The sex was amazing. We had several threesomes. One year ago, we separated from our spouses. We have lived together now for four months. It isn’t what I imagined: the merging of kids and dogs, a D/s relationship turning vanilla. And due to some health issues, he can perform only once a week.
October 9, 2014 12:00 AM
I’m 25, I’m virgin, and I find it quite difficult to relate with girls. My main problem is I can’t accept my sexuality. I’m into fetish SM. But it seems like there are two parts of me. The first part of me wants to lick women’s feet and be humiliated. The second part of me can’t accept the first part and only wants to love and be loved by a girl.
October 2, 2014 12:00 AM
A straight male friend practices sounding and has for years. I am pretty sure he does other things that he isn’t telling anyone about—not even his wife. He has some medical questions about sounding. I am a pediatric nurse, so he brought his concerns to me, but the questions are totally outside my area of expertise. Nothing emergency-room-worthy is going on, but he needs answers and refuses to speak with his regular MD about sounding. I am wondering how to find an MD in his area who would be knowledgeable and nonjudgmental.
September 25, 2014 12:00 AM
I’m a 28-year-old pan-curious married guy from the Midwest about to move to San Francisco. I’ve been with my wife for 10 years (married four), and we’ve started to explore being monogamish. I am also reexploring my bi attractions. I’ve been thinking a lot about the opportunities for reinvention that our cross-country move might provide. My wife is GGG and fully supportive, but I still feel apprehensive about getting back out there.
September 11, 2014 12:00 AM
I am a man who tends to ejaculate prematurely. Not all the time—but at least 50 percent of the time, I’m good for two to three minutes and then I REALLY have to be careful. I’ve learned to manage it and work around it (like, stop if I’m too close and eat her out to give me some time to relax, etc.), but it’s still a pain in the ass. I have a theory about this: I am not circumcised. I know that circumcised cocks are more desensitized, as they tend to rub on everything all the time.
September 4, 2014 12:00 AM
My wife and I went through a long-distance period when we were still dating and she went away to school. I used porn as a masturbatory aid during that time. I did not tell her this, as she believes that porn use is equivalent to cheating. Well, fast-forward a couple years (and a marriage), and I let it slip that I had watched some porn during the times we were apart. She flew off the handle, and ever since then insists that we can’t have children because I’m a pedophile for watching porn that may or may not have contained women acting like teenagers.
August 28, 2014 12:00 AM
My boyfriend of two years cannot climax or maintain an erection unless his testicles are handled, squeezed, pulled, or pressed on (preferably with my stockinged foot or knee). Needless to say, intercourse does not work very well, and our sexual repertoire is rather limited, which is frustrating for both of us. His doctor says his ED is not physiological. I’ve read your advice on “death grip” masturbation and suspect it’s a variation of that.
August 20, 2014 10:00 PM
I’m a twentysomething genetic male. I thought for a while that I might be trans, but I ended up deciding that while I hate my masculine features and like girl clothes and want to be “cute,” I have no desire to be female and don’t want to have breasts or a vagina. I also don’t identify with a particular sexual orientation, as I don’t find the concept useful. I’ve been with both boys and girls, and currently I’m with a trans girl.
August 13, 2014 10:00 PM
I’m a 25-year-old gay male into puppy play. About a year ago, I joined a pack with one Sir and several puppies. I became very close to one of my “pup bros” and became his alpha—meaning between the two of us, I’m more Dom but still sub to our Sir. Fast-forward nine months, and the pack has fallen apart due to each of us going through our own relationship troubles. My pup bro, let’s call him Fido, breaks up with his vanilla-but-open-relationship boyfriend. Having such a close bond with Fido, and already being sexual, I bring up the idea of dating.
August 6, 2014 10:00 PM
I am a 38-year-old married woman. My husband of 18 years is 22 years my senior. I credit my husband for giving me a good life and helping me pursue goals. But my husband is a type A professional, and that has played out in the bedroom. He has always been disinterested in my pleasure. When our kids were little, I did not want sex as often as he did (“only” twice a week). I suggested that he masturbate in the shower if he wanted a morning quickie.
July 30, 2014 10:00 PM
I am wondering when the best time is to mention being in an open relationship to new girls. I’m a 27-year-old straight guy who’s been in an open relationship for six years. I often seek out extracurricular activities, but I am unsure of how to bring up my situation without doors closing. I wrote to a seduction blogger who often writes about open relationships, and his advice was to not mention it until I’ve had sex with the girl a few times and to not bring them to my apartment that I share with my girlfriend.
July 23, 2014 10:00 PM
I am a gay man and have been in a relationship with my GGG boyfriend for more than three years. We are in our early 20s and have a good sex life. I just discovered that he has been engaging in what can only be described as cyber infidelity. He had a secret e-mail account, posted on Craigslist M4M, and also had an Adam4Adam account. About once a week, while I was at work in the evenings, he would exchange photos and engage in conversations with other men. He claims he never met with any of them and it was just to exchange photos.
July 16, 2014 10:00 PM
Two questions, Dan.
1. Recently, I went to a bar with my brother and encountered a friend from high school. My brother told me that, toward the end of the night, my friend followed him into the bathroom and made a drunken pass at him (which apparently involved a clumsy grab at his penis). My brother has no reason to lie about the incident. My inclination is to ignore the issue. If my friend is closeted or bi-curious, I feel like it isn’t my place to force the issue and I should respect his privacy. Advice?
July 9, 2014 10:00 PM
I am a straight female who was a dominatrix for a while — and out of all the jobs I’ve had, I loved it the most. Working as a secretary — one with a master’s in writing — wasn’t that hard to beat, I guess. But professional dommes aren’t immune to workplace romances, and I fell in love with a client. Long story short, we are still together after a year and a half, after I closed my practice and sold (most of) my toys because he didn’t want to be with a woman who was still practicing this kind of physical intimacy with others.
July 3, 2014 12:00 AM
I am a single woman, 31, in LA, and on OkCupid. (We all are.) I’ve gotten a number of unicorn requests. (Maybe because I mention being a subscriber to the Savage Lovecast magnum version in my profile?) I’ve never responded — until the other day. One unicorn request stood out. I wrote back. They seem like cool, smart, interesting people (a 40-year-old liberal married couple). Their profile is funny, and they’re quite attractive! And here I am, not doing anything else or anyone else… and I’m thinking… this could be cool.
June 26, 2014 12:00 AM
I’m a bit out of your usual demographic, age-wise (I’m 70), but I am still an avid reader. (This is true, not a Penthouse letter.) My cousin and I have flirted and joked about getting it on together for about 50 years or more. Now she’s divorced and having the time of her life. The other day, she told me what she’d really like is to have a “lesbian experience” with me watching and then joining. I’m so crazed with lust that I’m having a hard time thinking straight. This is a kinky dream come true!
June 19, 2014 12:00 AM
I’m a fairly boring person by your column’s standards in that I’ve always identified as a straight male into typical relationships. I’ve realized, after multiple long-term relationships that were unsatisfying, that monogamy isn’t for me. I would like to have a main, fulfilling, and committed relationship without limiting myself sexually or emotionally. I’ve struggled to remain faithful in the past and don’t want to cheat on anyone. I just want the rules to fit me so that I don’t have to be considered a cheater.