Eugene Weekly : Living Out : 8.16.07

The Race is On
But the air is getting dirty

Dana: Good morning, Drew. Welcome viewers. Looks like a hot one.

Drew: Hello, Dana. It sure does. We’re in for quite a contest between the ArArs and the Q&As.

Dana: Both teams are revving up for this all-star challenge.

Drew: The Radical Right ArArs may drive the same old message, but they can pile on the heat.

Dana: They do know how to terrorize the field. Then again the Queers and Allies have shown major muscle lately. The Q&A team is determined for a victory in this skirmish.

Drew: Without Lon Mabon as their lead driver, the ArArs might not look as mean and nasty, but they’re definitely going for broke.

Dana: The Q&As are in fine form to win it. They’ve got more heart and more savvy.

Drew: But the ArArs have a limitless supply of abomination and damnation. They even showed up at PRIDE last weekend in their Satanmobile — gotta admit those religious nuts have guts.

Dana: I’ll give ’em that. Then again, the souped-up Fairness and Equality engine has unmatched horse power and their Human Dignity fuel generates more support.

Drew: The ArArs get all the support they need from God and the churches.

Dana: The Q&As aren’t afraid of that. Besides, clergy and congregations all over Oregon are joining the Q&A pit crew. They’re big on “Do unto others,” “Love they neighbor” and “Judge not.”

Drew: That’s cheating.

Dana: That’s the Truth.

Drew: We’ll see when they wave the checkered flag in November ’08. Meanwhile we’ve got a crushing test of power and strength about to begin.

Dana: The green flag is in the air.

Drew: And they’re off!

Dana: Oh my goodness, look at all that spew coming from the ArArs.

Drew: That is ugly stuff.

Dana: And so early in the race. The ArArs can’t seem to go without their Unnatural, Abnormal and Perverse fuel additive.

Drew: This race doesn’t restrict toxic emissions. Everyone knows that.

Dana: That may be true, but children are watching. Uh oh, here comes the old No Special Rights smoke; it’s totally clouding the raceway.

Drew: The ArArs always get good traction with that Protected Status trick. But I wouldn’t have expected them to discharge their Homosexual Child Molester marbles so soon.

Dana: OK, this is getting disgusting and dangerous. How can the ArArs stay on track while their minds are in the gutter?

Drew: It’s worked in the past. They get great mileage out of scare tactics.

Dana: That they do. Ya gotta hand it to the Q&As though. They’re sticking to the Basic Fairness strategy all the way.

Drew: Hard to argue against Basic Fairness, but look at the ArArs go!

Dana: As they head into the first turn, my money’s on the Q&As to take the moral high ground.

Drew: Morality is strictly ArAr territory.

Dana: I don’t think so. The Q&As won’t back down. They’re riding on strong momentum. All the Democratic presidential candidates pledging to dump Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, marriage equality upheld in Massachusetts, David Hyde Pierce coming out.

Drew: But can they defend Oregon’s nondiscrimination and domestic partnership laws?

Dana: Remains to be seen, Drew. And that’s what it’s all about. But with so much religious and political hypocrisy coming to light these days, the Q&As have public sentiment going their way.

Drew: Got a point there. Still, the ArArs have been at it for centuries — Crusades, inquisitions, stonings — lots of success under their hood.

Dana: Sure, they’re seasoned. But the Q&As are alert and organized. Can’t catch them off guard any more.

Drew: Righteousness shall prevail.

Dana: It’s a long way to the finish line. And already we’re covered with filthy exhaust.

Drew: That dirty air does seem to be coming from the ArArs.

Dana: Sure is. You can count on the Q&As to run a clean race.

Drew: Ya got me there, pal.

Dana: Well, fans, it’s up to you. Tune in again as the big race continues.

Award-winning columnist Sally Sheklow has been bringing EW readers commentary on the race for social justice in Oregon since 1999.