These past weeks, I’ve been feeling so left out by all the big (huge?) doings down at the southern border with the wall and all. But then it came to me: We can build a wall for Eugene, too — one of our very own! It will “Make Eugene Great Again,” with a specifically Northwest spin.
Here’s how it works … and, trust me, this will work!
This wall is going to keep the Cascadia Fault earthquake out. It’ll be made of steel slats and they’re super strong, so even though we’ll be able to see the earthquake coming, it’ll never get through.
Not all Eugeneans will automatically get how super smart this is, so we’ll need to do some public outreach. I’m thinking some photo ops featuring nice old ladies holding bowls of Jell-O, standing inside a prototype wall, while some other people jump up and down outside the wall as vigorously as they can. Jello-O won’t wiggle even a little. Point proved. Duh.
This won’t be easy. The sticks-in-the-mud at City Hall might not fund it, so we shut them and all of their stupid priorities like policing, street maintenance, etc. down until they play along.
We get Roseburg to pay for it. Most of it is already built anyway.
Who’s with me?