- VACCINE PLAGUE
Gaia sent the plague of COVID-19 to cleanse the Earth of too much technology. Those of you who submit to Big Pharma and have 5G technology trackers injected into your arms are lost. Those of you who have turned to Zoom are allowing rays to penetrate your brains.
Have a blessed day,
WHERE IS THE PROTEST???
For months, Black Lives Matter protests filled the streets of Eugene. Now they are almost non-existent. Where did they go? I took it upon myself to call 911 daily for fear their loud chants would shatter my windows and interrupt my evening of watching Fox News. Now the streets are mostly empty, and my pro-police flag above my porch seems lonely.
Before you make any assumptions about me, I want to make it clear that I am against anything that violates my own personal definition of violence. I don’t condone these protests or the riot at the Capitol, since that one was proven to be led by Antifa in disguise anyway. And I’m not against any race. ALL lives matter.
I’m just wondering without these protests, what am I supposed to complain about now?
free your cellphone free youself
don’t you realize using capital letters punctuation and standdard grammmarspelling are all signs of devacto submission to forms of imperialist patriarchy that have enslaved piple around the world for soso many centuries free yourselves piople from intellelcutal oppression brought on by evil fiveg signals penetrating the brains of all of us for all time and foreverand ever thank you amen
dietrich bon marche
DID EW GIVE UP ON SATIRE?
Every issue around April Fool’s the Eugene Weekly puts out its usual misinformation but labels it as “satire.” Where was last year’s issue?
Nevermind. We all know you put out 52 issues of satire a year. I get my mask-free news on Facebook.
Editor’s Note: We didn’t run a satire issue last year due to the start of that COVID-19 pandemic you don’t seem to believe in.
THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT EMPTY
EW Letters Editor